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Kite

Submitted by Dennis Go on Sun, 2011-02-13 16:53

Up in the heavens
Over this mortal plane...
Watch me glide with hovered wings.

I can feel the winds rush
Around this surreal fin
Of satin paper, wooden frame;
Lifting up my hollow skin.

Be my navigator.
The tides of the air restrict me.
Take my hand through the skies...
I can only fly by your gentle love strings.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How does this theme appeal to you?

Editing stage:

Comments

Mon, 2011-02-14 09:49

I guess you've read it before I may have posted this on the old neo site. Just a little piece for the Valentines atmosphere. :)

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment

Mon, 2011-02-14 09:53

Thanks for the advice I'll give it a thought. Changes in syllable counts tend to alter the whole piece's emotion and delivery. Thanks again :)

____________________________________________________________________
Regards,
Dennis

"Death smiles on us all. All a man can do is smile back." ~ Maximus Decimus Meridius

author comment