Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Suffer a Life Without You
I searched for you,
Where did you go?
Darling, I have suffered so,
So many regrets,
So many losses
And so many failures,
I can barely bear
The terrible thought
Of the squandering of the life
That once was mine,
But how to suffer
A life without you?
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
‘Suffer a Life Without You’ was originally a song written in French in 2019, and dedicated to one loved not so much year as decades ago, but who has left not a single trace...by way of a digital footprint and so on...and I feared the worst, but chose not face my fears, but rather to turn my face away simply in order to survive.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Gracy
Sat, 2020-09-26 18:11
Dear Carl, I'm so sorry about
Dear Carl, I'm so sorry about your loss. I just listened to the song, but I only found it in English (by Mariah Carey) with French subtitles. It's truly beautiful and sad, as is your poem.
I can barely bear
terrible thoughts,
squandering life
once my young life.
How to suffer such a life?
Just a suggestion above, to take or toss. I think we all make our poems too wordy at times. Not too sure about repeating life so many times, but it's your poem and I find the title, content and spacing wonderful.
I'll return, have some tasks to do now. You're a survivor, if this poem is about you, as it appears to be. Stay strong and keep writing, all the best, Gracy
*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
Carl Halling
Sun, 2020-09-27 04:39
Hi Gracy, and thank you, I am so pleased you like this...
The song can be heard as a very rough recording in French as 'Une vie sans toi'; it is about someone who was once very dear to me, and still is. But you are so right, there are too many 'lifes', I've changed it a bit, but I'm still not sure about this, I think it might get shelved.
Carl Halling
Sun, 2020-09-27 14:54
I was thinking...
...of shelving it, but it might be able to be saved, you're right, 'barely bear' is not great, yes please, do a little edit of it, Teddy. Carl.
Carl Halling
Mon, 2020-09-28 04:52
That's great, Teddy
There are some very good suggestions, the most vital is 'barely bear', that has to go. You are right, yes, many of my verses reflect this loss. I rarely bin things, merely place them in a 'rejected' file. I'm just so pleased you take this piece seriously enough to work on it as I was going to give up on it, and I love the workshop element of Neo Poetry, it is unique on the internet. I value it all enormously. Carl.