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H-Town Ballad

Come and sit in the scorching sear
Put on a hat and pull out a beer

Hollar out a howdy and a y'all or two
Then smack at the squitos and tell them to shoo

Pull out a tent and let's go camping
Don't grab a trailer unless your glamping

Climb a tree or wade in a brook
Then go grab those dogs you've been waiting to cook

April, May, June, July
Hurricane season won't fly by

It will sit and sit and relieve itself
'Knock all the stuff off of your shelf

Then comes winter and no, no, no
Before you say it, it just won't snow

Big red Santa in a cowboy hat
Before you ask it he's the same less fat

Look around at this beautiful place
'Then wipe the salty sweat off your face

'Scratch your bites, tug your hat round your ears.'
This is my home and I love living here

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I love Houston ya'll!

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

just seeing this
no dogs was short for hot dogs
and squitos is short for mosquitoes

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

this one! i know what you mean by [dogs]. Ya'll mean Hot dogs or frankfurters. One of my favorite foods anytime of the year.
I like the two line rhyme and and all, but you don't have a title! This needs a title. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thanks any ideas for a title?

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

of title. Makes it sound rather hip and cool. H-Town. Very nice and good luck. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks for the critique I didn't see that at first.

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

ok thanks this is making it a lot better.

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

This is changing my poem for the better. That's the whole point of it. I am getting critiqued. When you tell someone they need to change their work don't ever think you are a nuisance for doing it. The best people get built up from criticism and become something great. You're not the only one who has Critiqued me and I like the changes you're making to my poem.
(You are right Critique is a complement, It shows that others care so much about your work they want to help you make it better)

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

Viviana,
What a fun poem! Your first line is very smooth and engaging! Loved the jargon and the unexpected run in with the word glamping:)

raffy

Nice job!

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