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Alone
A man sits alone on the beach
A solitary tear washes down his cheek
The party rages and the lights strobe
But in his soul he is alone
Zachary J Eakin - 7 - 13 - 19
Editing stage:
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Comments
Pataphysique.C
Mon, 2020-09-21 01:37
This is a bald statement of loneliness
This is imagistic, possessing a compact ferocity.
I wonder if altering the third line, making it more sparse, might make it a more intense piece. Like eliminating the first "The" and returning to your original scheme with vowel sounds also "But his soul alone".