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Alone

A man sits alone on the beach
A solitary tear washes down his cheek
The party rages and the lights strobe
But in his soul he is alone

Zachary J Eakin - 7 - 13 - 19

Editing stage: 

Comments

This is imagistic, possessing a compact ferocity.

I wonder if altering the third line, making it more sparse, might make it a more intense piece. Like eliminating the first "The" and returning to your original scheme with vowel sounds also "But his soul alone".

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