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Stir Crazy( critique workshop)

The quiet screams at me
it echoes and surrounds
emptiness within these walls
nothing stirs but I

Images and imagination running rampant
searcing for a place to land and take seed
but there is only one that breathes
with a fertile mind
to plant a seed

How long must this go on?
before the rest of me
is gone
how long,how long

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
those that know me know I will have surgery (nothing awful) and I have to isolate from the general public as best as possible it has been four days and this is the product
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

In spending a lot of time in my room
and socially distancing from my friends and family
I feel much the same. The brief respite I had
at my sister's little brother-sisters gathering recently
did wonders for me and my wife. I was particularly
struck by the use of [I] instead of [me] in your first
stanza. It emphasized the aloneness and made it better understood.

I was interested in the next stanza and what it said about the
fertile mind and planting a seed. Is it the one person that has
been particpating in the workshop?

[A gentle reminder to those that
joined, but so far, have not participated].

~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

tk you I see what you mean with that one line good call

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

I would use the word [gulping] instead of swatting
Swatting makes it sound more like he is using a fly-swatter.
River banks don't amble; how about [on]?
~Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

thank you for the smile

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

home now all went well only have the use of one hand for now

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment
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