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Depression

Submitted by Viviana Smith on Wed, 2020-09-09 16:45

Depression
By: V
Its layers of grief, come down like sheets of ice
It fills my head like blood and lice
Like hard hail and rough rain
I always fight to get out of the pain
I put on a smile
To cover the shame
I hear it calling, calling my name
It stings me like a bee stings my skin
None know the hurt hidden within
It bruises, it gashes, it burns, it cuts
I always feel like such a klutz
Its Smokey fog covers my sight
I feel it's touch, its glare, its bite
Like a snake it slithers, it crawls
With no slip it never falls
Its venom sinks into my skin
I feel the hate it, starts to sink in
I yell, I scream, I fall on my knees
Go away, will you please
You've done enough to ruin my life
You make me hurt you give me strife
The hate you given,
Can't be ridden
This life you give,
I'll never forgive
The pain I have,
Has ripped me in half
It tears me up
And shuts me down
My face is scarred, always a frown
So, leave me now
Yes, let me be
Now let me die
Let me flee
To rid of you
To let me be
Someone who is
Finally, free

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Ray Whitaker

Wed, 2020-09-09 17:10

Ray Whitaker's picture

The whole depression thing is covered in your piece. Try not to keep falling in the same hole in the sidewalk. When I fall in there, even tho I know the hole is there, i always get muddy climbing out.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Viviana Smith

Wed, 2020-09-09 22:29

Viviana Smith's picture

I'm glad you understood the poem. I notice i write poems more about the dark times in my life but that is mostly what my life is made of. Be sure to check out some of my other poems.

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2020-09-10 06:58

Geezer's picture
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Just thinking about that line "It fills my soul, it makes me whole". Is it really like that? Is it the only time you feel whole, when you are in the throes of depression? Maybe delete that line. It really doesn't take anything away from the work. Good job in making the pain of depression clear. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Viviana Smith

Thu, 2020-09-10 09:59

Viviana Smith's picture

i will do just that. I am soo happy to have y'all to give me advice. My parents don't care about my poetry and my siblings think they're stupid. I love that y'all help me change them

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2020-09-10 12:01

Geezer's picture
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are a family of poets, just like it says. We take our poets seriously and so too, our poetry. I am 72 and had been writing poetry off and on for many years, before I found Neo. I have been here around 13 years more or less. I think that I have improved a whole lot from the interaction with the people here. Stick around and we will gladly help you learn whatever you want to know.
There are some in my family and friends that show an interest in the things I write, but for the most part, the best interaction I get is from the community here. So keep writing and we will soldier on together. Feel free to ask questions, join our workshops and enter the monthly contests. Read some of my flippant stuff and see if it doesn't inspire you to write about some things that can make you smile. If you want titles, I will supply them to you.[You may be able to figure which ones by their titles though]. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Viviana Smith

Thu, 2020-09-10 11:18

Viviana Smith's picture

I'm in online school reading this and i'm crying. Fat tears are rolling down my cheeks. Thank-you so much. I have always had the problem of not having someone to talk to because my family judges me. You are so sweet and i'm sure your son loves you and is lucky to have you as his dad. You are an amazing poet and i look up to all of ya'll here at neopoet. Hopefully in a couple of years i am as good a poet as ya'll are.

Kisses,
Vivi

author comment

Viviana Smith

Fri, 2020-09-11 10:43

Viviana Smith's picture

Im sorry! Well i bet your son is happy to have an amazing mom like you!

Kisses,
Vivi

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