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Words
Words are everywhere.
So many, too many.
My words, your words, his words, her words, their words
But no space
No time to think back
No time to think forward
Time to think now
And we are plummeting,
Spinning and spiralling to a future that is already here.
A future where I’m begging you to please send help
I don’t know what to do
The air out here is thick but I’ve grown thin
Now I’m choking on the writhing wind,
I’m retching through my supple skin
I’m begging for you to load me heavy so I won’t bend
I’m gasping for you to break me better so I won’t mend
Can you hear me?
Your words are so stong
They push me down with the force of a thousand storms
Yet they are melodic and alluring
Winding around me in a dangerous coil
Words that pull me in and then shove me out
We could drown in the sheer quantity of all the blaring noise forced upon us
But no toady
For there’s no time
There’s no space
I can’t think
Do I have to think?
Because maybe it’s just one big hoax
Maybe we should just say fuck it.
Fuck you, fuck me, fuck this, fuck that
Fuck off
But I can’t
Do you see? It’s not how it works.
This world is too cruel to ignore
So, I’ll find a way to make it work
That’s the only choice any of us have
I have to. I have to. I have to.
Our words everywhere,
So many, too many.
My words, your words, his words, her words, their words
But no space.
No time to think back
No time to think forward
Time to think now
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Explicit Content
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Comments
Gracy
Wed, 2020-09-09 13:54
Hi yup, your poem is
Hi yup, your poem is philosophical, questionning and scary. I'll have to return, since it's so long and I can't absorb it all now.
My suggestion is that you tweak it a lot. You have too many repetitions, I think you want to give it more power, but IMO you've overdone it. Too much spoils your intentions.
But it's your poem, so take or toss what I've said. The title and content are perfectly clear, it's the length and spacing that I find unsuitable.
All the best, Gracy
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