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Can't

Submitted by Lee on Thu, 2020-08-20 16:13

Can't stand it
Can't stand her
Can't stand one second longer

why can't she just tell me the truth
why can't she make a fool out of me
why can't that evil woman stand the sight of me

she can't stand it
she can't stand him
she can't stand one second longer

why can't he just tell me how he feels
why can't he make me fall in love
why can't that evil man stand to be with me

they can't stand it
they can't stand each other
they can't stand one second longer

we can't keep living like this
we can't keep fighting like this
we can't keep trying like this

lets have a kid
maybe that will keep us together
it could make us happier
Surely this kid can't make us split apart?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

c lynn brooks

Thu, 2020-08-20 18:33

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I see where yu are gig with this but all the"can't" detracted from the poem itself
side note having a child is not the answer

Chrys

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Lee

Thu, 2020-08-20 21:57

Lee's picture

thats sort of the point, the poem's ending is meant to be sarcastic, how every failing relationship resort to kids to try and fix themselves only to cause more problems, the use of "cant" was meant to show the thought process of failing couples. ill try to be clearer in my next poem

author comment

Adrien Brook

Wed, 2020-09-02 01:50

I don't know if you'll even see this, but there is a poem by Sylvia Plath called 'You're' in which the title works as the first word of every line (but the poem body itself also works coherently without the word as well.) Maybe you could try it like that?

Adrien Brook

Wed, 2020-09-02 01:51

And I'm also wondering if this is based off any people in particular, or just the concept itself?

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