Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Toy tin soldier

Submitted by Edward nigma on Thu, 2020-08-20 10:13

I’m a toy tin soldier and you my love I’m try to find as your glorious image burns deeply in my mind. March on through night when your hypnotic color violet painting The Dark misty sky of the nighT Then my ears were pierced by your soft Sweet serenade of a cry guiding me like a dove flying me to you my love.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2020-08-20 12:13

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

if I would use the word [pierced] for a line that is supposed to bring about an image of sweet sensuality. Maybe: [ My ears were reached by your serenade-cry, a dove flying me to you, my love]? I get the image of a purple twilight and a snow-white dove, flying toward you. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Gracy

Thu, 2020-08-20 15:08

Gracy's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi Edward, is this short piece inspired by the tale of the Ballerina and The Toy Tin Soldier. It reminds me of it.
Good prose. Best, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.