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Diamonds or Doughnuts (revised) 08-13-20
Diamonds Or Doughnuts
(for Steven)
my heart is pressed
between the pages
of the book of you.
I see only darkness
without the light.
from your wood-smoke
colored eyes,
your soft deep voice
carries me like
a dappled daydream
over the treacherous
rocks of my perilous day.
it is your calm
sagacity which
holds my fragile sanity,
and keeps it within its
clockwork frame.
your eternal knowing
of Me keeps me
from shattering into
a thousand shards.
and I would not trade
you for diamonds nor doughnuts
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Candlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 10:04
Thank so much, Jerry,
I was sure that you would be able to relate to this little poem of mine, as it was written straight from the heart :) thanks so much for telling me. I really appreciate that. you have a great day!
*hugs, Cat
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c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-08-11 10:15
Cat
your wording as always is so descriptive and perfect I love this poem what a wonderful tribute to Steve
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
Candlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 10:33
thank you Chrys,
you know from personal experience, just how much I adore him ;) I'm not sure just exactly what he sees in me, LOL!
love ya, Cat
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c lynn brooks
Tue, 2020-08-11 13:41
cat
he sees what I see a beautiful generous soul
Chrys
check out our chat room open to all 24/7
Candlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 13:50
from heart and soul...
thank you my dear friend.
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Candlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 11:06
Dearest Teddy,
aww...you are so sweet! you know me very well. and that makes you special to me also. just keep on being you!
love ya, Cat
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raj
Tue, 2020-08-11 12:00
Hi Cat
many have already commented before me and I agree with them....all i can say is that it really seems coming from heart and you have expressed it without mincing words...wishing you and Steve a very long and continually fruitful wedded life ..
much love and warm hugs..
raj (sublime_ocean)
Candlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 12:23
raj, you darling!
thank you so much! you are always so kind! thanks for the good wishes, too!
*hugs, Cat
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Geezer
Tue, 2020-08-11 13:45
I do believe...
that while many may express the thoughts and terms that you have, that none may really know them until they have been married for a lot of years. They may genuinely believe every word that they say, but, "the proof is in the pudding". You have the "pudding". ~ Gee.
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Candlewitch
Tue, 2020-08-11 13:53
thank you Gee,
this means a lot to me!
*hugs, Cat
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Candlewitch
Wed, 2020-08-12 09:05
all kidding aside...
Jerry, you are a lucky man :)
*hugs, Cat
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Geezer
Wed, 2020-08-12 12:15
Well...
I'm sure that she looks right around your big ego and finds the kind hearted, genteel man that you were when she met you and waits for you to bring her her Oh Henry's. Seriously, anyone who has managed to stay married to the same person that long, has to have some redeeming qualities. I guess she sees them. ~ Geez.
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Candlewitch
Wed, 2020-08-12 12:28
Steve says:
we haven't killed each other yet, so we must be doing something right! LOL!
*hugs, Cat
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Geezer
Thu, 2020-08-13 15:31
Who knows...
what lurks in the mind of a woman? The "Big Ego" knows. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2020-08-13 07:37
thanks Teddy!
for the suggestion, I will keep that in mind for my next posts. I'm glad that you are getting to know eddy styx. just be careful...he isn't sane, LOL!
*hugs, Cat
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When someone reads your work
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scribbler
Wed, 2020-08-12 15:33
" of me keeps me"
Well everybody else has left me lacking in praise of a poem baring your soul about your life's love. So I'll only suggest changing the first "me" to ME so as to emphasize his knowing the real you.
Candlewitch
Thu, 2020-08-13 07:40
thanks, Stan, I'll do that!
thanks, Stan, I'll do that! bless you for reading and commenting.
*hugs, Cat
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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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