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once upon a time (adult content) revised

Submitted by Candlewitch on Fri, 2020-08-07 14:18

evening fades to velvet...

on a backdrop of black
he is as wildfire in the sky
she feels the heat on her back
where he forever smolders
as a timeless danger
but to her aching needs
he is no shadowed stranger.

her outcry...

sounds of exquisite pain
oh, such pleasure echoes
remembering fields where they'd lain
on sweet scented grasses
as day turned to night
sun and moon passes

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

Candlewitch

Fri, 2020-08-07 14:58

Candlewitch's picture
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LOL! you've just made my day with your lovely comment! do you think I should replace "sweet smelling grasses" with sweet scented grasses? I value your opinion.

*hugs, Cat

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Candlewitch

Sat, 2020-08-08 08:59

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you are really kind. I hope you know how much I appreciate that.

love ya, Cat

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author comment

raj

Sat, 2020-08-08 13:40

this is the kind of stuff you are seasoned at and you did it in a style of your own...stimulating indeed...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Candlewitch

Sat, 2020-08-08 14:16

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thanks raj, greatly appreciated is your visit!!!

*hugs, Cat

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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