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Sweet Serenade...

Sweet Night, you leave me breathless
I cannot wait to see
Your shadow cross the hillside
Coming back to me

I feel your whispered promise
Blown against my lips
Your hands caress my body
I take your scent in little sips

I await your coming
Please, hurry up somehow
Turn the Earth a bit faster
Make it happen now

I long to feel the coolness
Of the dew upon the grass
I'll drink in all I can
Try to make it last

The shortness of the twilight
Between the leaves of time
We have no more than this
My heart is ever thine

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Have you eaten a romance novel in these days? lol every stanza has something special but the last may I just bow to thee. Gorgeous imagery. A sweet serenade indeed. I adore the romance and the inspiration you have taken from the nature of the world. Seriously impressed.

Thank you...Teddy

from everyone here and all the romantic lines I've ever heard anywhere. I put all of it into the blender of my mind and pureed it for the ink of my pen. Well, my computer. [It seems so quaint to say my pen, but how do you fill your computer with the life's blood of poetry]? I will despair the day that no one uses or says my pen. Thank you for the greatest pleasure that I believe that one can recieve for sharing their passions. For a bit more romance in a lighter context, you might try a couple of my favorites from a while back: "Love from The Radio" 2017-05-12 and "Racing Nights" 2016-06-22. These are not so heavy with the romanticism, but still can be considered of that nature. ~ Geez.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

I couldn't agree with Teddy any more...great vision and impressive write to come up with a serenade like this...

enjoyed it..

raj (sublime_ocean)

glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

Hi, Geezer,
If I'm understanding correctly, this goes hand in hand with your recent Aubade, right? What an inspiring way to view dusk to dawn and dawn to dusk. It's the perfect romance. The anticipation of the first stanza sets the emotion for the rest of your poem. I know very little about Serenade rules and guidelines except that it is sung at night. You have actually sung it TO the night. "My heart is ever thine."
Thank you!
L

I understand it, it is no different than the Aubade, excepting that it is at night. I may be wrong, I will know when jerry comments. No, thank you! You have given me more credit than is due. I owe everything to Neo. and my fellow poets. I have learned so much here in the past 12-13 years, that I never would have, could have on my own. ~ Geez.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

for when the Night comes the Day must go.
Loved the last stanza!

raffy

Hi Geez, what a sweet serenade! The title is lovely and I especially like the nuances of loving night, but really it's some fair lady being serenaded. At least that's how I understand it. Day, Night, Nature, sensuality, it's all there. No nits from me, enjoyed, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

The Aubade and Serenade were meant to symbolize the love between a Lady and a member of the lower class, but couched in terms of the Day and Night, so as not to give away their relationship, yet also to emphasize the briefest of time they have together. The hour between dusk and dawn is not much to have, but sufficient enough to breed a lasting love. Thank you for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

day is lady
high heels ,
night is a horse trainer
like a darker lower one
lol

for the read and the comment. Glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

sorry it took so long to get to this my hand has been giving me grief
all I can say is
WOW ten times over
this is absolutely beautiful
no errors or typos perfect and beautiful

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

So glad to hear that you were entranced. You didn't realize that I was such a romantic old codger, I mean geezer, did you?
As always, you heap much praise on this unworthy head. I have merely taken the lessons of the best of the romantics here and put them to good use. [jerry is one that I most admire], but even lovedly has had a part. Of course having such ladies as yourself and the others to write for is a boon I enjoy. Thank you all. ~ Geez.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

author comment

Dang skippy didn't know you had this in you just reread for the umpteenth time

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)
join us for chat every [email protected];30 pm est

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