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Forbidden Love...

As Dawn sleeps yet gently
The Night refuses to yield
Holding tightly to her breast
Protecting with his shield

A breath that's caught in throat
Caressing of her brow
A breeze that dries the dew
Night must be going now

Dawn wakes all sleepy eyed
Smiles a Mona Lisa smile
She answers quite dreamily
Yet, stay a little while

Nay, the Day has come for you
I cannot tarry now
We shall meet again in shadows
You have my solemn vow

The cruelness of the universe
Brief moments to be seen
Two lovers caught in Paradise
A world half and in between

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
My first attempt at an Aubade.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

that [is] had a little more of an classical sound to it, but perhaps you are right. I will make the change. Thank you for your beautiful comments and the allusion to heroism and a poetic knight. Sir Gee thanks you, fair Lady. ~ Geez.
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author comment

I was inspired by yours. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

I enjoyed the Aubade...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

interesting! A morning poem dedicated to the Dawn from the Night. very fitting and romantic that it takes place in the twilight! Now I'd liket to know how Dusk would serenade the Day as it goes off to sleep.
lovely aubade!

raffy

there will be a serenade from the Day dedicated to the night. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

I have nothing more to say but outstanding it shows yet another side of you
this is just beautifully written

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

There are sides to me, that I don't know yet. I keep finding myself here; with all the inspiration. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
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