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Forbidden Love...
As Dawn sleeps yet gently
The Night refuses to yield
Holding tightly to her breast
Protecting with his shield
A breath that's caught in throat
Caressing of her brow
A breeze that dries the dew
Night must be going now
Dawn wakes all sleepy eyed
Smiles a Mona Lisa smile
She answers quite dreamily
Yet, stay a little while
Nay, the Day has come for you
I cannot tarry now
We shall meet again in shadows
You have my solemn vow
The cruelness of the universe
Brief moments to be seen
Two lovers caught in Paradise
A world half and in between
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
My first attempt at an Aubade.
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2020-07-29 13:09
I just thought...
that [is] had a little more of an classical sound to it, but perhaps you are right. I will make the change. Thank you for your beautiful comments and the allusion to heroism and a poetic knight. Sir Gee thanks you, fair Lady. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Geezer
Wed, 2020-07-29 13:13
Thanks jerry...
I was inspired by yours. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
raj
Wed, 2020-07-29 12:48
Hi Gee
I enjoyed the Aubade...
raj (sublime_ocean)
Geezer
Wed, 2020-07-29 13:14
Thank you raj...
Glad you enjoyed. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Breakinglogic
Wed, 2020-07-29 16:39
interesting! A morning poem
interesting! A morning poem dedicated to the Dawn from the Night. very fitting and romantic that it takes place in the twilight! Now I'd liket to know how Dusk would serenade the Day as it goes off to sleep.
lovely aubade!
☆ raffy
Geezer
Wed, 2020-07-29 18:50
Tomorrow...
there will be a serenade from the Day dedicated to the night. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-07-29 17:52
Gee
I have nothing more to say but outstanding it shows yet another side of you
this is just beautifully written
Chrys
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Geezer
Wed, 2020-07-29 18:54
Thank you so much...
There are sides to me, that I don't know yet. I keep finding myself here; with all the inspiration. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.