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ALL FRONTS PASS
Not all storms are caused by weather;
everybody knows that's true.
Some are caused depending on whether
some errant words are misconstrued.
Others come from some dark brood.
For well over one long week
I have been plagued by a dark cloud
through which sun rays dare not peek.
My thoughts are darkened by its shroud
and all bright thoughts are disallowed.
The storm front raged within my brain
as I huddled in the dark
trying to escape its pain.
All colors were washed out and stark.
Naught but sad songs did I hark.
At last came a brighter morning
when some sun at last broke through
doing so with little warning
as sunshine bid the clouds adieu.
The worst of mourning is finally through.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I am slowly coming back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 14:53
Hi Ted
Even knowing it was coming didn't help much. But I'm steadily resigning myself to not seeing him for a while. Perhaps another few weeks and my muse will return.....thanks for dropping by....stan
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 16:57
Susan
Is the rock upon which my life breaks
Lavender
Mon, 2020-07-27 15:45
All Fronts Pass
Hi, Scribbler,
I'm glad the darkness is slowly passing, as your reflective poem suggests.
Peace,
L
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 17:01
Hi Lavender
Lavender.....now that can't be your real name can it? This site is the only place where I go by scribbler. When I was signing up here about 10 years ago I was new to writing and assumed Everybody had to have a pen name. My real name is Stan Holliday. Back to subject. Yes I'm Slowly getting back to as near normal as I get lol
Lavender
Mon, 2020-07-27 17:06
Hello, Stan
Much peace to you from your poetry friend,
Diane
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 17:44
Diane
thank you
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 17:47
Stanley
Well , let's break my first name down. Stan ley....Stan is derived from a word which means stone. ley is an actual old time word which means field. So I am a stone field. Or a hard headed guy who just lays around lol
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 21:09
good
night
Geezer
Mon, 2020-07-27 18:34
So sorry...
for your loss Stan. But glad that you are finally getting out from under that dark cloud. It will never be the same, but it will get better. We can always console ourselves that we have great memories. That counts for a good deal. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Mon, 2020-07-27 21:09
I reckon
we don't have much choice but to just suck it up and carry on. Thanks for dropping by
Eumolpus
Mon, 2020-07-27 23:00
assuming i don't know you, or anything about you
I could not get the poem as the comments suggest. In the last line you introduce "mourning", but i don't feel the presence of a person in the poem causing this "storm" in your heart. Is it political, a so much today is political or some dark brood? What was the cause of this madness that raged on your brain? I can't sense the death of a person and the weather. An epitaph, a change of title, a dedication would be all we need...
>>
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Tue, 2020-07-28 09:43
Here
I thought you assumed you knew everything about me. Let's see, you think I'm a racist backward redneck who wants nothing more than a civil war to establish the days of the old south? But you are correct in your statement that you don't know me lol. I would have thought that "mourning" would explain the reason for the darkness. Isn't mourning usually associated with the death of somebody? I know it Can be connected with the loss of anything held dear but that's a secondary meaning and Occum's razor suggests when given a choice the simplest of the choices is usually the correct one. BUT I do appreciate this heads up that I might need to include a stronger hint that This mourning is connected to a person. It will likely be a while before I do much editing on this poem. Having a hard enough time dealing with this subject as is and thinking about it too much is something I'd prefer not doing right now. At least thinking about the dark part of loss.
Eumolpus
Thu, 2020-07-30 11:33
Hiding behind the poem
Is a very modern idea. In the past we knew what the poem was about, or in the case of an elegy, that it is a person. A simple epigraph will do “ to whoever”
We can mourn a person, a bird, or the death of decency in nation of sheep, the 150,000 dead of Covid, the 40 million orphan refugee children ...there’s a lot to mourn about.
I always assume there are not a school of literary scholars doing research on my life to explain a poem like I’m Yeats. So I try to invite the reader in to my poem to share what I mean to share, not whatever works for the reader. I think just a few things must be clear in poem ,which has to be about something, unlike abstract painting or music. So my philosophy of poetry may differ from yours, like our politics.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Fri, 2020-07-31 00:28
Hi
I'm sure you are aware that I'm almost continually editing my stuff. I usually do so after some time has passed as seeing a poem with "new" eyes reveals what was not obvious when I wrote it. So please be assured that in editing this poem I'll keep in mind trying to find a good way to clarify who is being mourned. And yeah we differ politically but I appreciate that we do so but still manage to remain civil
Breakinglogic
Tue, 2020-07-28 16:00
In the last stanza, I find it
In the last stanza, I find it so relatable when you write that the sun broke through with little warning. It reminds me of how often while inside the storm we cannot see outside of it, even if we are on the cusp of clear skies
Also enjoyed the homophone rhymes in the beginning:)
☆ raffy
scribbler
Tue, 2020-07-28 16:17
Hello
Good to see you again. Those homophone rhymes are there because I had a hard time finding a rhyme which would not seem forced or that would not wreck the message lol.So put it down to desperation not talent.......stan
Breakinglogic
Tue, 2020-07-28 16:37
perhaps it is an unpopular
perhaps it is an unpopular opinion, but I am actually a fan of homophone rhyming!
your rhyme does not read as forced, perhaps because—while occupying the end of a line—lines 3 and 4 are split in the middle of a phrase; and I actually think the opening stanza is benefited by it:)
my favorite example of especially well-executed homophone rhyming is in this excerpt from Watsky's "Pink Lemonade"
"
Can't bear a bear market with a bare body
Rich heir—hot air choking errbody
They swore you'd soar, check your sore body
See the sweat pour from each pore of your poor body
"
☆ raffy