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Saturday Night Ah No Fever
Currents in my inner skin
sting like sharply pointed
ninety nine pins
week end is going to be dry
Saturday and Sundays
everything sealed
no surprise nothing to try
where in the garbage bin of time
can we ourselves dispose
early morning we all rose
sun was peeping
scratching inner thighs
kept me sighing
clouds requested O sun
wait master now sleeps
though slightly too late
hearing the silent laughter
suddenly get up faster
pulling curtains aside
allowing our only sun
upon us to smilingly glide
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Fri, 2020-07-24 11:31
Saturday Night No Fever
Hi, Lovedly,
"...the sun was keen to peep in
but scratching inside doors
kept me sighing..."
This feels as if the sun is searching, hopeful for companionship. For me, this is quaint and tender.
Thank you!
L
lovedly
Fri, 2020-07-24 12:25
That you give me the vibes of sun
makes my life bloat with fun
kindness Ma'am
Gracy
Fri, 2020-07-24 14:50
Hi lovedly, lovely poem. Not
Hi lovedly, lovely poem. Not sure what you mean by the title. Of course I saw the movie, but does it fit your poem. I suppose it's an irony, now I'm getting it, I think...
The imagery is pretty and my only nit, you must be tired of hearing me, is that your poem needs tweaking. Too many unnecessary words. In the last line, for example, you've got an extra "come". And so on.
Enjoyed and will return. Must enjoy this sunny Winter day. Best, Gracy
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
lovedly
Fri, 2020-07-24 17:12
your obsevations are always right
and
for me a delight
I rectified
with grace
you have a marvelous mind
in place