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Psapfo 13
Music is the moistener
of vaginas
a precious lubricant
to ease the pearl
in her ecstasy
the lyre must be present
before the wine
of Afrodiiti maybe consumed
let flow the sacred
ambrosia
to cast her divinity
into human form...
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
not sure if a euphemism for vagina should be used?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Ray Whitaker
Sun, 2020-07-12 19:45
High energy
The sexual energy is strong, like the imagery
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Dalton
Sun, 2020-07-12 19:47
hi Ray
thanks
author commentGeezer
Mon, 2020-07-13 18:29
Nah...
you're good. The spelling is Aphrodite. Music does soothe the savage breast, but I'm not sure about the vagina though, most all of my women have not liked music playing in the boudoir. ~ Geezer.
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Dalton
Wed, 2020-07-15 18:34
Yah
Afroditi is a permissible variant just as Psapfo is a variant spelling of Sappho. Music in particular the lyre was the ritual accompaniment of her poetry 600 BC for me the art of making love to a woman can be easily compared to the artistry of a musician. not that I've had that great of a number of experiences thats the gist of the poem what I was going for. Its part of a cycle not all have been submitted here on Neopoet
author commentDalton
Thu, 2020-07-16 18:14
hi Geeze
does that make it any clearer what I wanted to portray I guess the poems quite simple but all those elements I wished to put across I may have failed?
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2020-07-17 08:13
I'm sorry...
I was trying for a glib or flip answer, and I'm the one who failed. I understand where this was supposed to go and although I missed out on giving a deeper, more through answer, I do feel that you have connected with the general reader. My apologies. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Dalton
Fri, 2020-07-17 15:10
hi Geeze
I don't feel you have anything to apologise for all opinions are welcome and its how I learn listening to what other people think of my poems
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2020-07-17 08:13
I'm sorry...
I was trying for a glib or flip answer, and I'm the one who failed. I understand where this was supposed to go and although I missed out on giving a deeper, more through answer, I do feel that you have connected with the general reader. My apologies. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Fri, 2020-07-17 08:19
I'm sorry...
I was trying for a glib or flip answer and I'm the one who failed here. I do see where this one is supposed to go and I failed to communicate that with you. I think that of the ones that have commented, they have gotten the point and were pleased with it.
My apologies, ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.