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White Sails
White Sails
gleaming in the sun
slow motion rider
your journey has just begun
The breaking waves upon the wall
miniature spouts of whales to recall
A freighter out on the horizon
where is it bound
sandpipers scurry as they dodge the waves
The seagulls cry and shatter the calm
still they are a part of this glorious song
something is missing in all of this beauty
that something and someone is you
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
written while visiting. I cannot say who I was missing at the time my brother(now deceased) as I watched from his porch I could see the bay meet the river then meet the ocean
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2020-07-12 19:41
Teddy
thank you. yes I love the ocean in fact the title of my first book is the lady is an ocean
Chrys
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author commentGracy
Sun, 2020-07-12 16:56
Dear lynn, such a lovely poem
Dear lynn, such a lovely poem. The imagery is beautiful, the title perfect. I love it. I also love the sea. Below, a few suggestions for neater verses, to TorT.
Seagulls cry and shatter the calm
still they're part of this glorious song
something is missing in all of this beauty,
I know 'tis you.
(that something and someone is you)
Hope you don't mind, all the best, Gracy
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2020-07-12 19:44
Gracy
thank you for the suggestions
I cheated this poem is already in print it being summer I thought it appropriate
Chrys
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author commentjetz
Sun, 2020-07-12 17:14
This is lovely
You can't go wrong with ocean and song. I feel as if I have read this before.
Perhaps it the images you paint with your words. All things I love.
Very nice.
Sue
Not that anyone asked but my vote is no on the 'tis. Sorry Gracy.
c lynn brooks
Sun, 2020-07-12 19:46
jetz
you may very well have see above for explanation thank you for reading
Chrys
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author commentraj
Mon, 2020-07-13 07:44
Hi Chrys
Thanks for pulling this poem out of print...that's why we could read it...
i would like to point out that there are two "are"s in the line "still they're are a part of this glorious song"...is it delibeate or through oversight?
be well..
raj (sublime_ocean)
c lynn brooks
Mon, 2020-07-13 08:28
raj
thanks for catching that and for the read will make repairs now
Chrys
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