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Serving a poetic cocktail (Sedoka)

juggle mind for words
cherry pick appealing ones
and shake a tipsy cocktail

raise a toast for joy
let it roll onto your tongue
say "hey i got it all right"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is my first attempt at a Sedoka which was introduced by Rula in the last few words of her poem...she enticed me to try it...as she explained a Seduka is made up of two Katukas..one katuka being a 3 line verse with 5-7-7 syllable sequence hope i got it right
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thanks for the read and your comment and suggestion. I will think about it during edit..

be well...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

with Teddy. It just would seem natural to have it begin with shaking. I do think that tipsy is alright for the other line. Nice little Sedoka. They seem to work well according to what they are supposed to be, I don't remember trying this before, so I can't say for certain. ~ Geez.
.,

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

for your comments. Appreciated.

Be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Thank you for taking the challenge. I knew it is a piece of cake for aspired poets just like yourself.

The only thing you need to check is K.2 L.2 where you got one syllable less
May be something like: "let it roll (onto) your tongue"
An owesom writing as usual from your pen. I have nothing to say but much appreciation dear raj!

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
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Thanks for taking time to read and good to know I got it right except for one syllable less in K2L2 which i have now fixed....

be well....

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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