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A Candle in the Night

candle in the night
very cooling to the eyes
soothing to the soul

the flame does flicker
in cool breeze blowing
like a rhythmic dance

my heart strikes the chords
to this choreography
performing alive

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Took me back to the power cuts of the seventies raj,
candle light is an almost other-worldly experience for me.

Muchly enjoyed..... Obi.

thanks for reading and good to know you enjoyed this write....

be well..stay safe...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

candle light is mesmerizing and beautiful
I find nothing to add or correct i this piece

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

appreciate your taking time and reading through my effort and to know you liked it...thanks...will be reading your posts soon..

be well..stay safe...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

This is a soothing piece, very much like the feeling the candle brings to a romantic night.
Thank you for coming back

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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to get an appreciative comment from likes of you is inspiring....good to know you found it romantic as well :)

take care...stay safe..be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thanks for visiting my page ...good to know you liked it and it also created an imagery for you..

be well...stay safe..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

for taking time to read and leave an elaborate comment with few suggestions..i will take a look at them for sure and see what i can do.....

thanks again...be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

swapping does for may would alter the context that it is about what is being witnesed

adding another syllable in the third line though may improve meter will spoil the 5-7-5 sequence of this piece...i will see though if there is a way to improve the meter..

thanks again..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

for pointing the error...i have corrected it now...hope it fits well ...

regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I am happy to see you. Glad you returned at a time I'm here.

I like this a lot. Very delicate and very romantic. Candle light, you can't lose.

Sue

good to see you too...i am happy to know that you liked this poem...

take best care...stay safe...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I have switched to blowing instead of passing ...

thanks for the suggestion...

be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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