Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Sound Of Love

Submitted by jetz on Fri, 2020-07-03 04:15

You have written
me countless words
of love
None reached into
my heart like the
sound of your smile
as you whisper my name.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2020-07-03 07:21

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

to critique something so short. [Not that there is anything to criticize]. You have succeeded again, in making the case for minimalistic poetry. LoL I really like the blending in of two senses, to give us the line;
"the sound of your smile". I do hope that we get a bit more of poetry that isn't minimalistic and is a longer story. Please? I love a good story and a little more meat of the bone. What I have gotten so far, has only whetted my appetite. Could I get you to add one word? How about adding [has] to the line; "None [has] reached into..." ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

jetz

Sat, 2020-07-04 14:29

jetz's picture

if I add that word for you, then I have to add one for everyone, and before you know it, POOF, no more
brevity. Jokes aside, I get it. I'm new to these teenie tiny poems. Never cared for them before but they
are quite challenging, and also quite addicting. I hunted up a longer piece, which I will post. Thank you
for your kind words and for showing an interest in my work. Greatly appreciated.
Sue

author comment

Rula

Fri, 2020-07-03 08:23

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

Unlike our dear Geezer, I'm a fan of brevity. Why should we say much if we can say the same in few words. I have really enjoyed your gem as I always did.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

jetz

Sat, 2020-07-04 14:32

jetz's picture

to bring a smile to my face. Today was no exception. I'm a fan of poetry, all shapes and sizes, just like
people, it takes all kinds . Thank you dear lady.
as always,
Sue

author comment

Lavender

Fri, 2020-07-03 10:18

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hello!
My favorite line: 'the sound of your smile.' I don't even need to read the next line, it is that strong to me. Pretty wonderful.
Thank you,
L

jetz

Sat, 2020-07-04 14:36

jetz's picture

Thanks for adding your favorite line. I like that. I happen to like that line too.
Tacky of me to say? Oh well, I amaze myself sometimes when I come up
with the perfect line of the moment. Though I've been at it for years, I'm still
new at this.
Thanks again,
Sue

author comment

c lynn brooks

Fri, 2020-07-03 12:17

Volunteer badge

I love your title very creative
I as Geezer prefer a little more length. What you have here is interesting

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

jetz

Sat, 2020-07-04 14:42

jetz's picture

Thanks for the read and the comment. "Interesting", hmmmm, I'll take that.
Beats the hell out of it's drivel.
As I told Geezer, I'll be posting something a tad longer. Who knows, you may
ask me for something shorter! :)
Keeps smiling.
Sue

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.