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Why My Poetry Sucks (Title prompt)

Too tired
To get inspired,
That's when it happens
That my poetry sucks atoms
From the atmosphere
From my feeling ionosphere
Electrons electing Trump
Every time he gets up
To the next podium
To pause for silentium.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Last few words: 
My concern is mostly for pace, flow and interspersed alliteration or unusual patterns that please my own reading some way. (if I read it out loud for instance)
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hello, Lindame,
This is pretty amazing. I am really impressed with your choice of language and connecting it all together. The rhyme in some areas is a bit of a stretch, but not so far that is doesn't make sense. I usually keep a distance from political statements and will do so here, but this is a remarkable piece as far as poetry in its form. I don't know that I would change your title at all - for me it says exactly what I feel is expressed in your words. (First line: 'too' instead of 'to'?)
Thank you!
Lavender

Thank you Lavender. I appreciate your comments.

"The most technologically efficient machine that man has ever invented is the book." ~Northrup Frye

 

author comment

A good use of the title

Thank you!

"The most technologically efficient machine that man has ever invented is the book." ~Northrup Frye

 

author comment

Very clever use of the title.
Brilliant work!

Thank you...Teddy

Very clever use of the title.
Brilliant work!

Thank you...Teddy

Thank you, Teddy15.

"The most technologically efficient machine that man has ever invented is the book." ~Northrup Frye

 

author comment

Interesting how you have correlated a dry spell in your wring to Trump I know he is to blame for a lot but this is amusing
not seeing the connection lol

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

it's not an obvious statement of politics nor dry spell, as you put it. It's just I felt tired and didn't want to try but when I did this came out which fired up what else was on my mind at the moment in time I wrote it. Randomness!! Thank you for stopping to comment.

"The most technologically efficient machine that man has ever invented is the book." ~Northrup Frye

 

author comment

I like this poem a lot. Your words are like precision gears rolling together perfectly. It feels like there could be more lines in there somewhere. Try stretching the rhythm of your poem further and see what happens.

Daniel

Daniel Robichaud

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