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Love Is It's Own Element

A budding flower
in a vestige of Eden
chasing Gauloises
after Gauloises on the bed
at the centre of a half imagined city
as all things are barely sustained
by the human mind

I contemplate your navel
and forgive your naïve outbursts
today I feel as though I am
a thousand years old
I make trek of the saliva line
from your jutting mounds
to the divine vale of your sex

Your parents do not approve
of a fool who lists
the attributes of love
as means of sustenance
lines on a page
you are water to the soul
a means of access to the human heart

Flora is your name
an epithet full apposite
to your wild nature
we are as real at this moment
as letter after letter
poems on a page
fire beneath the skin

that rises like a natural element

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
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Comments

a poet of love would write. We are as we profess to be, only as long as it takes for the shine to wear off. I think the parents are right. LoL
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

certainly some don't approve of poetry. honesty is always the best way to be if a poem is bad it needs to be stated

author comment

Hello, Dalton,
There is something very intriguing about your poem that has caused me to read it several times. It has several 'elements' in itself. I feel the presence of perhaps Eve, a romantic French setting, an exhaustion but then a revival all leading up to a unique love like no other, but yet, so real it is a natural element. I will come back and read again after more comments.
Thank you!
Lavender

wow thanks Lavender, love is the same no matter how far it exists over the years

author comment

A good write, with nice imagery - thank you! Maybe consider a reshuffling of the third stanza for clarity of meaning:

Your parents do not approve
of a fool who lists
an attribute of love
as lines on a page,

A means of sustenance,
you are water to the soul
allowing access to the human heart

Nit: S4, L2 - "Fully"

Hope to see more from you!

Cheers

Michael Anthony

a magnificent piece of poetry. with vibrant imagery. I close my eyes and see it in sections! I have a question for you: who or what is (Gauloises)? my favorite lines are:

Flora is your name
an epithet full apposite
to your wild nature
we are as real at this moment
as letter after letter
poems on a page
fire beneath the skin

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Gauloises are a brand of French cigarettes :) Thanks so much for reading and highlighting your favourite lines. I'll be certain to return the favour :)

author comment

thank you for the explanation...are they the gold tipped ones with different colors (of body)? and I would be honored to have you reading my work!

*hugs, Cat

*

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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