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The Tale of Jack and Jill

They loved each other so, yet not so blind
to make no provision for death (or parting;
after all, we all need fresh meat ere long
and we soon can tire of any lover's farting).
So Jack and Jill went to a legal eagle sharp
and devised a plan to split their worldly chattels,
in the sad event their love should turn to hate
and their kisses change to vicious battles,
or even worse the Reaper might pay a call
and into their graves cause them to fall.
But they never read the small print on the deeds;
and when Jack and Jill fell down the hill
they never knew what happened to their money;
(their shyster lawyer's hands were in the til).

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

was good and though the rhythm a bit ragged, I understood the whole of the message. You should always give a trusted person a copy of the will. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

...I agree the metre is crap but I was pissed at the time.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Hi Edna, indeed, as Geez says, give a copy of the will to a trusted person. Difficult decision, one can let a lawyer or a bank keep them, but, who knows...
I laughed at your use of Jack and Jill to highlight your theme. You have good end rhymes, I don't know about the meter.
All in all, a great topic, as well as amusing. Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

...the metre stinks.

But who cares?
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

...which I have to say confused me a little. I cannot accept I am in any way "aggressive" - assertive, yes; opinionated, yes. And I would not change that. My politics are reflected in many things I write and I make no excuse for them. I too detest Brexit and its nationalistic flag-waving jingoistic supporters.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

...voted for Brexit. I hope it bankrupts them. I will laugh at them in the dole queue.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

...that at the very time the UK needs its European neighbours, people like Johnson, Gove & Cummings are heading for a no-deal Brexit.
I just hope my own wealth will protect me and my family.

Sod the silly buggers in the North who voted for Johnson.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment
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