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Different Titles
Do titles really make a difference?
The "I" child had ne'er honestly thought so.
And, if that's true, what is the damn reference?
My mom says: "we're all born the same, you know!
I grew then older, and things start to change.
Some are that rich, some have nothing to eat.
Some wear the silk, some had to rearrange.
Some live on the trash, others enjoy their meat.
Then years went by, with wider open eyes.
I stared to understand how things go 'round.
I saw the poor enthralled-with babies' cries,
while greedy kings disguised- with titles crowned.
We aren't all the same, a fact that might stink,
titles make some life's black, some are tickled pink.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words:
Teddy, I know the title's long ....LOL
Stan, I chose a line from the body for the title.. does it work?
Gee, did you expect to use that title in this certain way?
Alan, I am not so happy with my volta. It is an extend of the second stanza rather than a turn at line 9.
Lavender, has the theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Jordan
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Comments
c lynn brooks
Wed, 2020-06-17 18:12
Rula
Strong wrds but so meaningful. It's a matter of the haves and have nots
somethings will never change
beautiful write full of meaning
Chrys
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Rula
Thu, 2020-06-18 01:04
Dear C lynn
You must know I highly value your kind visit.
Yeah, I too thought the content might be a bit hard to digest (metaphorically speaking), but it's the fact of how things go around these days
Many thanks dear
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author commentscribbler
Wed, 2020-06-17 22:22
Hi Rula
You could shorten the title to "Different Titles". That would kinda compile the reader to discover what kind of titles
Rula
Thu, 2020-06-18 01:06
Hello Stan
You're right. I like your title.
Thank you.
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author commentRula
Tue, 2020-06-23 06:15
Teddy my dear
Sorry that I didn't earlier answer your question about stared/started thing. I meant it to be "stared" , do you think it works?
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author commentRula
Fri, 2020-06-19 15:35
Hello dear Teddy
It really pleases me to know that you like it. In fact I have already shortened the title going with Stan's advice. I like your suggestion too, it is inspirational in a way, but I wanted to show how titles make the difference.
Thank you so much dear. It means a lot to have you commenting and the others.
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author commentLavender
Mon, 2020-06-22 22:17
Different Titles
Hi, Rula,
I thought I commented on this poem immediately, but see now it didn't take for some reason. I am having computer issues. So sorry! I think your theme is extremely appealing, especially for the time we are going through now. For me, personally, it's a painful, but remarkable growing period, and your poem directly speaks of the growth we must do ourselves to open our eyes. Your last two lines have a nice play on words, but a strong sense of reality.
Thank you!
L
Rula
Tue, 2020-06-23 06:19
Dear Lavender
Please no need to apologise. We are all familiar with computer's tricks. I can't thank you for your appreciation.
You're absolutely right about what you said about the period we're going through. Hopefully people will come out more aware of how things go.
Can't thank you enough for your kind visit dear.
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