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When You Are Gone

Submitted by Edna Sweetlove on Wed, 2020-06-10 13:38

The moon peeps out from behind a cloud,
Its light bleakly shining on the tomb
Where my love lies buried and decaying,
Alone and forgotten in Earth's dank womb.

The bleak, sad dawn is far away
And the night is grim and cold;
Wind, harsh wind, a breath of ice
Rustles the leaves and chills my soul.

I wander through the rows of graves,
Dreaming on the fate of my dead love,
But the horrid stench of rotting flesh
Tells me I am really better off above.

So recall that once you're dead, you're gone
Into the void of endless night so black;
And think on this with a happy laugh:
No way, no how, are you ever coming back.
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Lavender

Wed, 2020-06-10 17:30

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Hi, Edna,
Maybe alone, but then, not really forgotten, right? Your poetry always makes me think, and think again.
Thank you,
L

Edna Sweetlove

Wed, 2020-06-10 19:47

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"Peeps" is funnier to an English ear! Peeks is fuunier in a sense.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Edna Sweetlove

Thu, 2020-06-11 09:17

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...for your kind words.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

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Geezer

Fri, 2020-06-12 16:02

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You seem to have gotten a handle on this scary stuff. I think that perhaps, this [My love] person wasn't all that special to you; as you laugh and say that "No way, no how, are you ever coming back". "Nicely done", as Killer would say. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Edna Sweetlove

Thu, 2020-06-11 09:16

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...ever come back? Well, apart from Nandor the Relentless...
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2020-06-12 16:03

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the laugh that I referred to. it sounded gleeful!
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

tyro

Thu, 2020-06-11 14:38

Your use of rhythm is superb. Even though the metric is not consistent, at no time did stumble, stop, or be surprised, but found it smooth throughout.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

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