Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Game in the Vestry

Submitted by Edna Sweetlove on Tue, 2020-01-28 12:42

Cold, cold, cold the snow outside the country church.
The quiet park, in summer filled with children's happy cries
And singing birds and mothers, babes in arms, is silent now.
Snow falls gently on the leaves and on the statue in the lake.

But in the vestry all is not so peaceful, as dear Father Reilly
Gropes his Christian way under the young girl's clothes,
Not minding her screams of terror at his clawing fingers;
"Whoaaah! For the love of Jesus, but that feels great," he moans.

And don't forget that, even if he does get caught one day,
Even if that little girl tells her shocked Mummy and Dad,
The bishop, clad in purple and with all the Church's power,
Will brush the trivial incident under the clerical carpet.

Praise the Lord!
.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Content level:

Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Thu, 2020-01-30 15:22

If you make...

each line a separate line to itself, you can leave off the punctuation at the end of each line. A few simple changes can make it all go away!

1]Third line: [It's] singing birds [are] silent now

2] First line, second verse: [with] dear Father Reilly

3] 2nd line, 2nd verse [He gropes]

Your title caught my eye and certainly, I was not disappointed.
Not an appealing theme, but worthy of a write and it began and ended well. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Edna Sweetlove

Thu, 2020-01-30 18:21

But...

...I don;t want punctuation to go away! I LIKE punctuation and dislike its absence! But thanks for commenting.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Geezer

Sat, 2020-02-01 11:12

Okay, okay...

Just thought that since you insist on capitalizing each line, that it is superfluous to use commas and semi-colons. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Edna Sweetlove

Sat, 2020-02-01 13:28

In my book...

...it is 'normal' to start each line with a capital and it is normal to use standard punctuation. I accept that some people write poetry ignoring these conventions, but I don't. Except when I am trying to create a "cool" and "beat" effect!
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2020-06-09 17:39