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Searching for an Inventive Poem
I searched for a poem
in the rising sun, in
the absent moon, in
the darkness of nights,
and high-lighted noon,
in the shops and the streets,
in green medows and weeds,
I searched in the broken shells
and the empty shores, in the
unbeatable forts and
and broken walls.
I searched under the rainbows,
among the clouds,
in the far horizon
where the ocean and the sky bound.
I searched for a poem
And here it's found
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Gracy
Mon, 2020-05-25 21:55
You got yourself a lovely
You got yourself a lovely poem, I enjoyed it thoroughly. My only crit is that it needs tightening up. As in the lines below:
in (the) shops and (the) streets,
in (the) green medows and weeds,
There are far too many "the"s and some other words that could be removed. The title is fine, the whole poem makes sense, I have nothing else to suggest. Good one!
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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury
Rula
Sat, 2020-05-30 16:42
Gracy dear
Your kind suggestion is highly valued.
Many thanks.
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Rula
Sat, 2020-05-30 16:44
Teddy dear
So many thanks for enjoying reading my humble piece.
Can't thank you enough for your kind words.
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Rula
Sat, 2020-05-30 16:48
Dear Mark
Always feel flattered when you read my poems.
I edited as you suggested as I really like it.
Highly appreciated.
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Rula
Sat, 2020-05-30 16:51
Dear Jerry
I tried my best not to ruin it. I appreciate a second read after doing the weed...lol
Thank you!
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Lavender
Tue, 2020-05-26 11:40
Inventive Poem
Hi, Rula,
Sometimes I get "that" feeling when reading a poem - I don't even know the word to describe it, but it's an amazing connection with the very essence of poetry. This poem does that for me. "I searched in the broken shells, in the empty shores." So good...
Thank you!
L
Rula
Sat, 2020-05-30 16:54
Lavender my dear
Thank you so much for your kindest words.
Enjoying my poem is the most that might flatter a humble poet like me.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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