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Future

Future
I know that these days are now true
The before times what you had to do
Times change my friends from what we knew
The ups and downs we saw them through

I have looked through the window
It is life I saw scurrying around
We mock the termites and all the ants
Now look at us doing the same dance.

There is no way that I can see
No directive for humanity
This is just a random thing
We exist only because we begin.

Now what to do with this state
To many people is it to late
Where would you think to begin
To make this planet a whole thing.

I am so glad that I live now
If a generation could learn somehow
My children I am sorry to stress
That we couldn't mend this mess.

Through the window of future times
With the sea rising we cannot be blind
Our cities on the beach I see
Buildings cannot swim nor can a tree.

The window shows the things to do
Buildings moved will be good for you
Of structures where we are the same
Each independent home, rights game.

Where poverty has now lost its hold
No more just a few to have the Gold
It should be used as metals great
To send electric at such a rate.

It is so false the words I hear
Poor stay poor the rich don't care
This is now in the history of time
A beautiful planet a home of mine.

One day I may think to return
To see if man did ever learn
Where love of all is there to see
A heaven on earth for eternity..

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just for today, as every day is now..
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi, Sparrow,
The only way to protect the future is to look the present square in the eye, which your poem symbolizes. I am not strong in rhyme and structure, but your review request suggests you want feedback. Will you help me out with your pattern, please? Your final two lines are so hopeful - and I'm a believer!
Thank you!
Lavender

Lovely to see you I have been away from my daily visits to Neopoet for a while, probably due to the loss of my brother poets of late..
I am one of those poets that has been here for quite a few years now, but I have a lot of work to do here an spend much less time these days on site..
Moonman ,Jess, Steve and Lonnie, and I believe there are others we have missed, I have been writing bits for 60+ years now and it is becoming harder to see my Brothers journey on, it brings home to us that time is short and needs to be used better, but poetry is fine it is a critical part of everyone.
Thanks for your visit and stay safe,
Yours as always,
Ian T

Words can build a nation

author comment

30
how many in excess IAN have thee

10 lol I am sure I could take out 10 but although you won last month I thought I would give you another chance lol Yours Ian xx

Words can build a nation

author comment

Great poem, Ian. Just a spello that I spotted in one line. Title and contents make perfect sense, the poetic structure is fine as far as I know.
I'll return for another read, it merits several. Perfect for the contest. Stay safe, regards, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Thank you I will check for a spell mistake but I have put in 40 lines Whoops, so I will sort the spell out but to reduce it by 10 lines is not for me it has to stay as the original lol
Yours as always, Ian T xx

Words can build a nation

author comment
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