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Over The Rainbow...
Lost in a world not of his making
The messages went around in his head
Oh, why have I been, so forsaken?
And he cried; "I'd rather be dead"
Lions and tigers and scarecrow brains
Full of straw and cotton stuffing
A tin-man left out, rusted in rain
Feeling alone and simply worth nothing
Empty of love and two drops of sorrow
He built walls that kept closing him in
No thought of what may happen tomorrow
Going through life with a big Cheshire grin
Then came the day he knew what he wanted
A place in the sun, somewhere to call home
Tired of feeling that he had been haunted
A place that he'd stay, no need to roam
Oz seems too far, down the yellow brick road
But home is where the heart is connected
A soul that is paid for, still isn't sold
If it never is collected...
Comments
Simon
Mon, 2020-05-18 06:00
Seriously
I've enjoyed reading this poem and keep me thirsting for more, it's a nice work.
Simon
Mon, 2020-05-18 06:00
Seriously
I've enjoyed reading this poem and keep me thirsting for more, it's a nice work.
Geezer
Mon, 2020-05-18 08:08
Thank you...
I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment. Haven't seen any of your work lately, ~ Geezer.
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Geezer
Mon, 2020-05-18 08:59
This is...
the story of a man who feels like he has been lost for many years, estranged from his family and friends and not able to connect with his life as it is. Now, he is slowly asserting himself, understanding that he can control his life and feeling like he will be able to find that place in the sun. Thank you for asking. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Mon, 2020-05-18 13:01
I like...
your idea of the simply [worth] nothing. As to the title, it was originally "Terrible Tom" but I felt it didn't reflect the theme at all.
How about "Under the Rainbow"? ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Mon, 2020-05-18 13:30
Beginning to favor...
Over the Rainbow. It kind of reminds me of a Pink Floyd song; something said in "The Wall". Not really sure what it was. ~Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2020-05-19 08:52
Amen to the guitar...
I have a great deal of trouble remembering words to even my favorite songs, as I hear voices more as instruments. Funny that.
~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Mon, 2020-05-18 10:39
Mr. Wizard
Hi, Geezer,
I like the way this moves along in a Wizard of Oz fashion. Really clever, but then I took a side step when I read Cheshire grin, which made me switch my thinking to Alice's Adventure in Wonderland. A small distraction for me. The final stanza brought me back to the Wizard, though. Those last two lines are striking.
Thank you!
L
Geezer
Mon, 2020-05-18 13:14
I understand...
the side-step to "Alice in Wonderland" but I wanted to show that he has been masquerading as being satisfied in being where he is, smoking his hookah with a big grin on his face. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Mon, 2020-05-18 13:38
Cheshire Grin
I get it! Puurrfect!
L
c lynn brooks
Mon, 2020-05-18 11:55
Gee
Amazing how you have given Oz a whole new meaning
great job on this one I see no errors at all
Chrys
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Geezer
Mon, 2020-05-18 13:18
Thank you much...
Still working on it, so it may change a little. The title is almost certain to. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2020-05-19 08:56
I have changed...
the title to "Over The Rainbow" as been suggested. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Geezer
Tue, 2020-05-19 17:46
Thank you...
Alan, for your help with the meter and rhythm. I took a couple of your suggestions and used them, but I like the sarcastic cliché of "Over The Rainbow". ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
scribbler
Tue, 2020-05-19 21:56
late to the game
A poem I'd have never thought to write (a Good thing lol0/ A few ideas to pass on :
Line 2-the messages raced in his head
Stanza 2,line 4- Feeling lonely a worth almost nothing
Stanza 4 line 2 - a place in the sun to call his home
Just a few ideas from a head full of straw
Geezer
Wed, 2020-05-20 06:44
I think...
I will let this settle for a while now. I did change the 2nd line just a bit. ~ Gee.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.