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I Care...

Submitted by Geezer on Wed, 2020-03-18 02:44

If I should die before this is over
I hope that I have made a difference
In what? You say
In something, anything...

A person's life
Left a mark somewhere
Made someone happy
Done something worthwhile

Don't we all?
Do we value ourselves so little?
That we don't think or wish that?
Will it matter that I was?

I do believe that even the villain
The archetype of evil
The miscreant
Wants to leave something behind

Even if it is something bad
So bad...
That they will always be remembered
A page in history

No other animal on this earth
Is so vain
Feels the anonymity of life
So strongly or cares

Style / type: 
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
I went back to look, and changed a couple of things.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2020-03-18 13:59

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your response to my title, I have decided that if you were in such an opposition to it in the negative form, you should be equally pleased at the positive. Thanks for the correction of my [typo]. ~ Gee.
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Gracy

Wed, 2020-03-18 09:39

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Hi Gee, I find your poem philosophical and interesting. I'd suggest some lines in present tense.

"A person's life
Leaves a mark somewhere
Makes someone happy
Does something worthwhile."

After all, I think most people leave a mark on others' lives, loved ones don't forget for years, the memory is present. Just saying...

In the first strophe "you say in anything..." appears to lead nowhere.
I find the third strophe may be unnecessary. Perhaps re-word it into one question, or two?
The language is little too prosaic, especially for such a philosophical topic.
The title is also rather weak. Hope you don't take offense.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Geezer

Wed, 2020-03-18 14:06

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The tense was set in the second line. [I have]. As to the line: "In anything" I changed it to: "Something, anything..."
It works for me. ~ thanks for your read and comment. ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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