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Riding the Storm

Submitted by samary on Wed, 2020-02-05 15:21

 Riding the Storm

The air feels heavy
as colour leaches out of the daylight
greyness turns coppery and progresses
to near darkness
 
Lightening flares and strobes across the sky
as thunder rolls like cannonades
the world is  phosophorus illuminated
then fades back to near darkness
 
The storm is closer count the time
between flash and thunder 
only a mile away 
the trees are beginning to agitate in
the strengthening wind 
rain is spattering on the roof light for now
 
Goosebumps stand proud on my arms 
 my breath gets  faster 
I anticipate the power of the storm to come  
 I sink into the power of your embrace
the air sparkles and my mind is filled with pleasure

Samantha Beardon

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Hannah Moonlark

Wed, 2020-02-05 21:50

Hannah Moonlark's picture

I like it and I don't think you need to change it. :)

Geezer

Thu, 2020-02-06 00:41

Geezer's picture
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I've always liked storms, [as long as I don't have to be out in them]. I suggest that you reverse your colors to say:
and the copper sky turns to grey. Try : The world is phosphorus illuminated then fades back to near black. Although, phosphorus makes for a weaker light than say, strobe?
Try: light rain spatters the roof now. and lastly, The warmth or strength of your embrace, rather than: the [power]. Just suggestions and you may certainly think of better ways to say them. ~ Geezer.
.

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Gracy

Mon, 2020-02-17 20:30

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Great poem. I also like storms, except when extreme as they are with climate change. My only suggestion is that you remove some "the's". They are abundant and often not necessary.
I'll return for another read. Enjoyed.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

samary

Tue, 2020-02-18 02:55

samary's picture

This is sitting in the the pile of awaiting further thought. I will certainly look at 'the' when I reedit. Sam.

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