You need to reread the contest instruction. You must post the poem which inspired your poem above your poem so that the two can be compared more easily.......stan

Scribbler is right I think, well your poem is a nice one I wish you luck.

A nice adjunct to POE: I think given the context if he where to return from the dead he'd very much appreciate your lovely clever poem; of course assuming he had some memory of his former life as the famed poet I Think its wonderful refreshing inking filled with solid beautiful writing!!!!!!! BRAVO!!!!

Best Z

In a recent comment on one of my pieces you wrote (I quote verbatim, although your English is confused): "You get few comments is not due to the puerile content but the lack of poetic craft. Poetry is not stream of consciousness dribble. Your work lacks poetic metaphor, sound, metaphor."

This poem of yours was published over 6 months ago and has not had a single meaningful comment posted on it in that time. I don't think the reason for that is its puerile content (I would not judge it as puerile), nor would I arrogantly condemn it for its "lack of poetic craft". I have to say I can't find any "poetic metaophor" in it, but that is by the by.

So, instead of trading insults, let me examine your piece in detail:

Stanza 1: I find this to be unnecessarily long-winded and in need of editing. For example, the exact point where two roads happen to meet is surely irrelevant, unless one knows where the "highway" meets "Route 4". The phrase "my eyes saw a raven" is pointessly tautologous: which other organ would see a raven - your nose? The raven folded his wings behind his back - where else would he fold them? The phrase "behind his back" is superfluous. I find the use of the rather obscure term "berm" annoyingly pretentious - you are (in my opinion) letting the reader know you have a few unusual words in your vocabulary.

Stanza 2: I liked the phrase "craggy graveyards" until I thought about it; I have visited many graveyards and never once have I encountered a craggy one. "Craggy" means rocky and uneven - surely the least suitable terrain for a graveyard where the gravediggers would encounter enormous problems. I can only hazard a guess that you felt like throwing in a "poetic" adjective at random. Also why have you assumed the raven came from a graveyard - are ravens famed for their residence in graveyards? Next, your reference to a "stupid poem" is odd - why would teachers ask a child to read a stupid poem, when there are so many excellent ones?

Stanza 3: I find your habit of using unnecessary words to expand your thoughts increasingly annoying especially when they are irrelevant and confusing. How could a line of cars form a "zig-zag" (unless of course they were going up a series of hairpin bends)? You have already said the cars are going round a roundabout so no hairpins. The phrases about the hideous thumping of rock and roll and the stench of diesel are interesting - however, modern diesel is pretty tasteless these days. On a grammatical point, the word "for" always takes the accusative so you should say "for us suburbanites" and I find the word "lo" irritatingly archaic (I assume you intend it to be poetic) and I find the phrase "kinsmen of before" very clumsy indeed, and not at all poetic. Using your own term I am tempted to say it is "dribble".

Stanza 4: We have no motivation for the bird standing his ground - why should he not do so, especially if he's nice and safe on your berm? I find the concept of trucks' blaring horns silly - why would truck drivers sound their horns on a roundabout? And I find the metaphor of trucks howling like wolves totally unrealistic, just another example of the peotic dribble you decry. At the end, again another reference to the poem you were forced to read - I have to say I echo your plea "What did it mean?"

Stanza 5: Here I find your confused narrative gets even more confused. How is the raven "on" a pulpit (surely a vicar would be "in" one not "on" one?) And I thought he was on a berm not a pile of weeds. And why would you wish to shoot a poor raven just because he croaked a bit? I know Americans are trigger-happy, but really! And another reference to the Poe poem which you clearly loathe.

In summary, I find this piece confusing and verbose, attempting to be too clever by half and not a very good or skilful parody of the Poe poem either. Poetry is not stream of consciousness dribble. Forgive me for being frank.

Your final "last few words" can't go without a response. To say that anyone claiming to be a poet who doesn't know "The Raven" by E.A. Poe should find another craft is ludicrous and pointlessly arrogant. It's a 3rd rate poem by (at best) a 2nd rate author and one which few children outside the USA are subjected to. To compare "The Raven" with the Mona Lisa or Beethoven's 5th is like comparing a McDonald's+Diet Coke with a Steack Tartare avec pommes frites accompanied by a bottle of Beaujolais Villages frappée.

superb
thanks for posting