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God's Diary, January 20000 BC - Seven Holy Haiku
Monday 1st January, 20000 BC
Started work today
The oceans were quite hard graft
Went for a nice swim
_____
Tuesday 2nd January, 20000 BC
I invented fish
No fire yet so ate them raw
Got a tummy ache
_____
Wednesday 3rd January, 20000 BC
Dry land was harder
But I managed it OK
Ate another fish
_____
Thursday 4th January, 20000 BC
Lots of fun with fire
Managed to fry a haddock
Burned fingers badly
_____
Friday 5th January, 20000 BC
Totally busy day
Animals took me ages
Had steak for supper
_____
Saturday 6th January, 20000 BC
Invented people
They have a will of their own
And they fuck a lot
_____
Sunday 7th January, 20000 BC
Feeling tired now
I'm done with all my labours
Time for a good kip
_____
Memo to myself: stop writing fucking haiku.
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Obadiah Grey
Wed, 2020-01-08 11:50
Wonderfully witty and I would
Wonderfully witty and I would hope the Godists had a grin too!!
Obi.
Edna Sweetlove
Wed, 2020-01-08 13:31
Dear Obi
"Godists" is a good word. I nornmally call them godsquad or bible-bashers. But "godist" is nice. How about "godomisers"?
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
Geezer
Thu, 2020-01-09 09:11
I didn't...
understand the use of the word [graft] in the line "The oceans were quite hard graft". Could you explain?
I actually enjoyed this one. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Edna Sweetlove
Thu, 2020-01-09 11:22
Graft =
Hard Work. Origin is C19, British informal. Hard graft therefore = VERY hard work indeed.
Pleased you liked it.
.
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
Geezer
Thu, 2020-01-09 17:41
Okay...
I thought it had something to do with work. Funny, how a word like that can show up the differences in the dialect of a standard language. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Obadiah Grey
Sun, 2020-01-12 15:57
Preferred "graft".,,, added a
Preferred "graft".,,, added a little colour ?!?!
Obi.