Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

BLACK AND MELANIN

Submitted by Simon on Sun, 2019-12-29 11:06

Roast me on the charcoal
Bottom of your heart
Roll me in your pie and chew
As your meal yummies
Draw me and paste on the pages of your mind

Like poster and image
Paint me in the color of your blood
Leave me stained on the ground like a liquid black gold
Mine me with your steel heart of unforgiving
Peel out my skin for your white magic
Use my flesh for experiment

It's mystery and strange
Yet I can breathe melanin as oxygen
Because it's runs inside my viens
I beneath my brain with the dark spot of my soil
I stretche out my hands to receive
But still match my feet on the rock.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
It's about the orginality of Africa the territory of black people, calling them to bring their minds back home to where they were born.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Sun, 2019-12-29 12:09

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I understand where you are coming from. There are many people today, that are researching their heritage, because they want to know where they came from. Your title makes sense and it doesn't, but I think that anyone who knows what melanin is
will kind of get the idea. The pace is good and didn't make it feel rushed, it seems to be easily understood and so, is a good theme. I know that it is hard to translate into English from many languages, so the ending that says; " I stretch out my hands to receive, but still match my feet on the rock" makes sense in a way. In English I would say: I stretch out my hands to receive, but my feet remain on the rock." ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Simon

Tue, 2019-12-31 05:15

Simon's picture

You got the message and I really want to send this message to the whole wide world so they can be proud of their originality thanks for understanding my poem.

author comment

chima ononogbu

Mon, 2019-12-30 08:34

chima ononogbu's picture

The overall content and message is top-drawer. The title is fitting for the poem. The message, sharp and relevant, is beautifully decorated with imagery that leaves the reader pacing back and forth on what was and is America. Good job.

Bathe yourself with poetry and let the world go to pieces.

Simon

Tue, 2020-01-14 07:03

Simon's picture

for your wonderful comment i'm glad you understand the message hope other blacks can do the same.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.