Hope your Son reads this..
Just a missing letter in prevail also the word Inhale needs an "I" to start it lol
Your Spell checker is being bad ..
Take care and a lovely piece for him..
Yours Ian xx

Rula I feel there are just some cadence breaks which you should consider. Try playing drums in your head when you read your work aloud. My take:

If you win, if you lose, (I'm hearing da-da-DAH, da-da-DAH
If you succeed or fail, da DAH da DAH da DAH
Its You whom I would choose da da DAH da da DAH
In my heart to prevail da da DAH da da DAH

second stanza works in cadence, but the last line is flat sounding to me . The moon's pale is too abstract in this poem, and the rhyme seems forced. I would look around for a different finish on this tight poem.

You're the heart, you're the soul,
You're the air I inhale
You and I ? We're a whole
All alone, my moon's pale.

The poem is very lovely and tender. My comments are only my take in craft, and communication.
..

And your revisions flow very nicely.
Have you ever tried some books about form and meter? I have read many. Many, like “the poets craft” by Annie Finch is very easy and enjoyable to work with. Also “small book of form” by Robert Hass. Or A poetry handbook” by Mary Oliver. It’s good to learn from the masters. Somehow new poets fear such books but they help free you and make you more creative. They certainly did not hurt the craft of those who wrote them!

Very Moving, Love Roscoe...