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Snow Date... November Sonnet Contest
Shall we prepare love, for a winter's day?
A snow filled sally to a sloping hill
You have a car sir and I have a sleigh
We have warm clothes love, please do say you will
A fire to warm us, we can be alone
A picnic basket, filled up with delights
Won't say where we go, and turn off the phone
We will stay for hours, mayhap until night
A sonnet for you, kisses for my face
Wine with the cheeses chocolate candy
Come with me darling, down hill we will race
It will be such fun, it will be dandy
I love you sweetheart, say you love me too
Hearts together beat, I only love you
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Sparrow 42
Fri, 2019-11-22 03:40
Gee
This is the best Sonnet I have seen in many years here,
that it would be a mir akle if I produced a sonnet let alone one to this quality..
I may try to produce one but I am not even going for second place this time..
Yours as always Ian ..
Words can build a nation
Geezer
Mon, 2019-11-25 10:32
Thank you Ian...
I wasn't sure that I could do it! I had to go look up the rules for producing a sonnet.
It was hard, but fun. As ever, ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rula
Fri, 2019-11-22 15:11
What a delightful
read Gee. I can't but agree with sparrow.
My only thought is that you either punctuate it all through or leave it altogether.
Thank you for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Geezer
Mon, 2019-11-25 10:34
I did...
have some reservations about the punctuation and I will attend to it. Thank you for the kind words. ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
chima ononogbu
Fri, 2019-11-22 19:42
Nice
Really deep and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
Bathe yourself with poetry and let the world go to pieces.
Geezer
Mon, 2019-11-25 10:37
Thank you Sir...
It is, to me, one of the most difficult forms. You have to be rigid in the expression and yet produce something that makes sense and is appealing to the reader. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Edna Sweetlove
Sun, 2019-11-24 09:57
Cute.
But a bit sloppy and sentimental.
A bottle of champagne per head in the picnic basket would spice things up a bit.
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
Geezer
Mon, 2019-11-25 10:47
Thank you Edna...
As I said to Ian, I had to look up the rules for producing a sonnet and then to choose one form from among the half-dozen or so. It was to be either a dramatic piece or a sloppy romantic. I choose the romantic, it being the easiest to produce. I do suppose that I could have done a dramatic, drunken piece that consisted of a prurient nature, but decided that proper was the way to go.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Obadiah Grey
Mon, 2019-11-25 13:54
Tapping into the feminine
Tapping into the feminine side perhaps!
I don't mind sloppy at all if its well written, as this is.
Obi.
Geezer
Mon, 2019-11-25 17:16
Thank you Sir...
Good to see you. Thanks for the kind comment. In truth, as I was writing this, I was reminded of the time a girl asked me to take her sleigh-riding, so yes, from a feminine point of view. ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Rula
Thu, 2019-11-28 16:41
Reading this again
With fresh eyes, most lines deviate from pentemeter.
I still love it though.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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