Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Early Autumn

I’m a curiosity to the squirrels and sparrows
Who live alongside the gazebo where I sit.
They too have chosen it for the view of the inlet.
It’s the time of year the geese float on currents of air
Breaking the silence with loud honking
Of a motorcade zigzagging on a highway.
Suddenly I join in, a flugelhorn out of key
Shouting with the squadron as they take their leave.

The squirrels and sparrows look at me sideways
(face to face that is, considering how they see)
Wondering what the purpose might be,
Sitting hour after hour in the shaded gazebo
Waiting patiently for this moment, for the fleets
To pass in the season of their migration
So I might urge them on like a coxswain.

The squirrels and sparrows jump about the boughs
With busy schedules to be met-
Time to build the nest, to gather food
To find a mate to share their season.
They have seen my kind before
Silent with gentle eyes and veiny hands
Sitting on the bench as the ground swells
To the drizzle of browning leaves
Opening wide the view to the inlet.

I will return when all is white in ice
On the days the when the sun blinds the sky
Shielding my eyes from the cold glare
To live in memories and wait for geese.
For they have drifted to far away marshes
And become my calling to an empty sky.

Last few words: 
This is a reworked poem. Sometimes you are more excited about a revision than the first "finished" draft. It is interesting how a poem evolves in you, how you live with it a few days, and then usually move on. I hope this is the last version. Today is today, our poems are children that grow in us. Then one day they are gone, on their own.
Editing stage: 

Comments

A great write,
very bulky in that the stanzas were around eight lines and solid information.
Still a very good read and the sights it brought as time faded.
Yours Ian ..

Words can build a nation

I have poems I've rewritten a few times,
and still not happy with.

Are you happy with it? For me, the lines
were a bit long (not all of them), it loses
the rhythm and it may just be me. Does
it flow for you when read aloud?

I love the content, the squirrels and birds
had taken over my porch, the cat barely
paid attention to them.

yea, right now I'm ok with it...lately I have tried writing some poems with longer lines. Its part of the prosypoem style I'm seeing a lot around and I suppose being influenced with. You know the length of our lines seem to follow the rules of men's ties or women's skirts. Long or short...sometimes I get tired of the limitations of the short line (even the one word to a line style) and want more sound.
Depends on the mood I suppose.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

A poet should compose poetry in one's own style may be prosaic or prosepoecy it must not be so long as others might lose breath nor so short as the thought is lost curtailed .But a poem must at least be 12 to 19 lines so as to convey a lesson If it is decriptive only let it be like a screen soft and swift serene
Each poet has his or her own vision I have composed aver 15000 plus poems many are good read by 6 million page reviews since 2013 to now during 2010 none read me at all till 2013

a large number is like refuse so as you wish garbage this too or convert it into poetry if you wish to But be your own poet not a well wisher of others

You are my master I only learn from those who wish to

lovedly is back
as laps top has returned from ICU

by the painting hanging on the wall, the poem in the page, the music we hear. Previous awards and prizes do not matter at that moment. All artists have highs and lows, creations that work great and others that fail to communicate or be appreciated, or just simply are just bad. (Except, of course, J.S. Bach...)

I agree the best is just be true to yourself. Don't try to please, don't be cute or cliche. It shows itself immediately.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment

I agree

the best is just be true to yourself.

Don't try to please,

don't be cute or cliche.

It shows itself immediately.

that sometimes, the longer lines give one the reach to make the story better. Just a couple of things that I thought of while reading this poem:

1]. Change [of] to like a motorcade
2]. [Finding] a mate
3]. On days when the sun [delete one [the].

All in all, a good poem. ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Those suggestions show a very focused read and good ear . Thanks for your time with this poem!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.