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Another Time Some Other Rhyme

Submitted by medes879 on Fri, 2019-09-27 14:42

I say drop a mouse into a poem
and watch him probe his way out,

or walk inside the poem's room
and feel the walls for a light switch.

another time some other rhyme
love for seeking of the need

chosen friend in the sleeve

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Sat, 2019-09-28 09:15

Eumolpus's picture

I would start with “drop a mouse...” I don’t think you need “I say”
End with a period as the poem is punctuated. Lastly I would say “up a sleeve” as the more commonly understood image rather than in the sleeve
Some suggestions for a well made piece

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Eumolpus

Sat, 2019-09-28 09:17

Eumolpus's picture

.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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