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Climate Change (which one first or second)

Submitted by lovedly on Wed, 2019-09-04 23:03

There is a Fire across the Amazon
in the far North Arctic
ice is melting
despite the ensuing cold

what is nature doing
ask me not
I don't believe in Global warming

man's mind should not grow old
what is Global let me know
all is seasonal

Have you forgotten the ICE age
and the fires that often rage

yet Global warming you say
I ain't going to anticipate

Global let it be
to me more Political
it appears all can see

Someone guide me
Is it not GLOBAL heat
in the far far East

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

samary

Thu, 2019-09-05 04:27

Climate Change Practice

Interesting approach but maybe too broad to really make an impact.It seems to sort of petre out... I dont know if this is deliberate to demonstrate the lame idea... but for me at least it didnt work...I felt sort of nothing and I should have been feeling indignation either about the lie of climate change or the fact it is real.
Structurally I don't get the stanza breaks and use of white space they appear to separate leaps of thought that are all about the subject but dont have poetic flow.
You have extraneous words hit us on the first line with
A fire across the Amazon
could you add some imagery here show me this fire?
Could you look at the deliberateness of this and its likely impact on the climate them being the lungs of the world.

show me the melting ice and show me its just natural cyclical if thats your message make me grind my teeth or smile depending on my point of view.

Maybe title it something like
Is this really global warming?
Then you dont have to state that view in the poem set out the points and let your reader reach their own conclusion.

You have some great Assonance your sporadic rhyme adds musicality you have the fire and ice rather like Frost but you could strengthen your message and make me feel more invested with some tweaks and changes.
My opinion for what its worth ..your poem engaged me enough to want to stop and comment. Sam

lovedly

Thu, 2019-09-05 11:28