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My Romanian Lover

Submitted by lovedly on Mon, 2019-08-26 00:10

My Romanian Lover

This is the most widely read one
My Romanian lover

Through the garden path I walked
she sat astride the bench

quiet, silent and cute

her chubby dog so mute
I walked unknowingly

a short nap
oldie me
how she saw me
then rested on the opposite side
on an isolated branch of a tree
as I closed my eyes in reverie
she came alongside
and calmly sat beside

without any fear
as she smiled

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Mon, 2019-08-26 01:19

weirdelf's picture
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"My Romanian Lover

This is the most widely read one
My Romanian lover

Through the garden path I walked
she sat astride the bench

quiet, silent and cute

her chubby dog so mute
I walked unknowingly

a short nap
oldie me
how she saw me
then rested on the opposite side
on an isolated branch of a tree
as I closed my eyes in reverie
she came alongside
and calmly sat beside

without any fear
as she smiled"

Definitely one of your Jewels my friend, all the rest is crap and adornment, I feel a severe pruning is needed.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Mon, 2019-08-26 11:14

lovedly's picture

you walked my page and found a jewel.
since edited master

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