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Scribbled Ink On Silk....
Scribbled Ink On Silk
Poets get it always, so write,
they peel fruit from the inside.
Fact, fiction, it’s no invite,
a bottle can’t control it’s tide.
Far too busy creating verse,
to care for dollar pound, or yen.
In truth or fable they immerse,
derision no put down for pen.
They can all write of special love,
far too many a broken tryst.
Many fables about a lord above,
happy am I for those he missed.
Scratched on wall or busy sidewalk,
beautifully written on softest silk.
It may offend, may even shock,
truly they love this tit they milk.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Scribbling thoughts....
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Thu, 2019-08-22 21:42
I like the ideas in the poem
i have some comments.
The Title. Eliminate the "...."
First stanza..not getting it. the first 2 lines don't make a sentence. The second two
don't make sense to me..the tide of a bottle?
Second stanza- the first line is not sentence, has a period. "derision no put down for pen." is very awkward grammar.
Third stanza- also first online not a sentence. How does the lord above "miss"... is that the angel of death perhaps. not sure what you mean here.
The last stanza is the best, and obviously I get it We all write poems about being a poet, but in truth,
only poets appreciate that...painters, composers just do their thing, poets seem to have to justify it. Non-poets don't really care about.
The poem needs more focus not on what you are trying to say here, but how.
Scribbling thoughts...will receive in turn the same. I hope mine are helpful.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2019-08-25 04:34
The fact,
The fact that there are mistakes tells everything about what I was thinking here, I wrote this to point out that poets may not always be correct in their poems. Or can't always know the message will carry ( bottle tide etc ) but they should never stop writing. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
author commentGeezer
Fri, 2019-08-23 11:57
I got...
the reference to "the bottle can't control it's tide. Thinking; message in a bottle, the bottle floats where the tide takes it. Does [write] have a double meaning? I like the image of "peeling fruit from the inside", I can see that it might mean that poets often see things from a different perspective. I do believe that the Lord above and being happy for those he missed, [knowing your stance on religion], is about those who do not write about religion. ~ Geezer.
.
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Roscoe Lane
Sun, 2019-08-25 04:39
Thank you Gee,
Thank you Gee, and yes write means we are not always right but we write. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
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