Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Summer Fun(Contest August)

Wow
Summer again was cold all along
a young chick remains glued to mom's tits he adorns
pair of sibling’s, young ones pull each other’s hair for fun
Mom and pop are sunning at the beach
preparing for another summer’s lasting memorable one (for fun)

young upcoming teens wish to brush lips often
as they cross the permissible age
their love entwined has begun

another couple is smiling
the coming one is kicking her tummy
what a funny feeling

then can't forget aged one's
Grand kids need a change of nappy
granny is happy
grand pa is feeling horny
where have those days gone
when they were under the blankets
at darkness searching

Well all life is lovely since summer has for a while come
Let’s all have our kind of everlasting desirous fun
haven't you yet begun summer's pun

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

just can't help feeling that it's all written as the lines come to you and you don't know what is coming next.
~ Geezer.
.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

ur ABS right as always
lol
stan style

author comment

a guy waiting outside
an ICU
has hopes of return
I shall apply
my mind
if my synapses remain intact
hopes and thanks
lovedly's sandwich

author comment

like Geezer i enjoyed the theme of the poem
nice one

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

I value your kind visit

author comment

my thanks all
my freestyle poems
just come as visuals mainly in my dreams

I am not much of an articulated poet
so it seems
yet even with neopoets my poems glow with sheen
three contests
one won
one mentioned in honours
and
the best one set technically aside it seems
My Mom's Smiles
As the lady affected me only
NOT INTERNATIONALLY A LADY

author comment

this is an old poem already
posted earlier Kindly note

author comment

sir did u note it

author comment

winner poem

author comment

Hi, I agree with Gee, your theme is wonderful but the poem is rather "messy", no offence meant. You want the raw truth, there 'tis.
Not sure whether the siblings are kids or the chicks, that's not clear. Real hen's chicks certainly peck at each other, sometimes they peck the bottom of the black ones, isn't that incredible and sad? We often had to remove the "different" chick and take care of it ourselves, mostly with fine Quaker oats.
Hope you can manage to shorten the lines, it's fine to use dreams as your muse, but then the stream of consciousness has to be understandable or at least metaphorical, with some alliterations, similes or whatever. Some sort of show and not tell, methinks.
All the best, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

I already won in 2019
now this Jun fun one
must be read by ma'am you
say something something ...
I like to hear from you

Argentina's Pablo
I COULD BE
SHARE HIS
DOB
NOT YEAR
CLEARLY

author comment

ma'am Gracy

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.