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A Ballet in Reverse
Esrever ni Tellab
Iridescent pools in narrowing
concentric circles
rainshields strike from pavement
to sky
the skeletal tone of bells in the heavens
the holy statues return from mass
a naked dancer
spiralling through her own dimension
the clerk meanders from temple
to typewriter
footfalls stark as an angel's wing
clapping
an era in shadow rises before him
the castle, a heaven an imagined landscape
all things that have been
and will come again
the nightmarish beauty
of the old town hall clock
in retrograde motion
of an invading army
time reintroduces itself
to the dream drunken mind
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Comments
zebra
Mon, 2019-08-12 11:10
Its a picturesque poem, and
Its a picturesque poem, and genteel. Broadly you understand writing craft. To me It feels like an exercise though in gilding lilies. When you see great dancing you are let into the soul, body and passion of the dancer spinning a seduction, forcing you to bend to their will They give all and in doing so force the viewer into submission as in the weight of sorrow or the sudden starts of surprise. etc.
time reintroduces itself
to the dream drunken mind
This last line is nicely suggestive but it remains etheric like a censored Disney movie and I want at least the fiction of comedy, fear, private thoughts, desire etc
"Living with you is like living
at boarding school:
chicken Monday, fish Tuesday."
Make me feel!
Dalton
Mon, 2019-08-12 12:39
Hi Zebra
thanks for reading mr Zebra I guess an alternate title could be "the big crunch"
author commentRoscoe Lane
Thu, 2019-08-15 03:28
Man,
Man as in beings, still has a beauty even though religion is failing. Some hark back to the days religion and it's propagators ruled by fear. That's what I imagine when I read this poem. Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
Geezer
Sat, 2021-05-01 09:42
What I got...
from this was the scene of after the church service; when everyone and everything reverted to their day-jobs. [The clerk meanders from temple to typewriter; all things that have been and will come again]. Probably not what you were thinking, but it is what was brought to mind. ~ Geez.
.
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2021-05-01 12:40
hello Dalton,
nice title. I like the style in which this was written. you have used some excellent descriptive lines. yet, I feel a disquiet stirring in me. perhaps it is due to unfortunate teen and childhood experiences with religion...Seventh Day Adventist, to be precise. as always, whatever you turn your hand to becomes gold.
*hugs, Cat
*
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Dalton
Sat, 2021-05-01 13:10
Thanks Cat
Very kind of you. For me religion or spirituality is a person thing not to be forced on others. I never met a priest I liked or even felt comfortable talking to I always talked to my mum about everything. I'm more likely to turn to William Blake than the bible though there are passages like Song of Solomon and parts of the New Testament but I tend to keep that to myself. My mum is Catholic my dad was christened Protestant but like myself his faith is more a personal relationship. Poetry is the best way to pray for me though I speak to God every day. My grandma was orthodox catholic my closeness to God really came from my love for her
As for this poem it emerged from another poem I had written and a friend suggested I change the last lyric for the first and the first for the last then it occurred to me how interesting it might be if I wrote a poem in reverse as if time were moving in retrograde hence this poem was born.
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2021-05-01 14:00
hello again,
I am very spiritual and have a religion of one (me) I've taken different views from many religions and apply them as living rules. I've read a lot of the Christian Bible and found many holes in it. for example:
God created Adam and Eve...they begat Cain and Able...Cain killed Able...God marked Cain and sent him off to live in another tribe...(what freaking other tribe???) I figured this out when I was seven or eight years old. I repeated it to my "Sabbath School Teacher" and she sent me to the dark of the boiler room. She told my maternal grandmother, whom I lived with at the time(of parents divorce) and she beat me soundly (she didn't like me anyway, because I was always speaking my mind) some other things happened, I won't bore you with them now. but I prayed to the Christian God to make it stop...no help there...
sorry to ramble on.
*hugs, Cat
-
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Sat, 2021-05-01 14:47
Hi Cat
It's not rambling you're just talking about your life I'm sorry for your suffering. Really the clergy seem to have it wrong by standing forever in judgement which goes against Jesus teachings. I'm like you I've read as much as I could about the many religions which gives me a hermetic spirituality. My poetry should be taken as such I'm a student and never will I be a master. Masters have always looked down on me when they should still be learning though of course not from me. I'm just blessed to have a beautiful family who have allowed me to grow
Thanks for your interest in my little poems be well dear friend
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2021-05-01 15:28
to me you are,
a master. I aspire to write as well as you! I am glad that you had a loving family. someday I might just tell you how my alter ego (Male) "eddy styx" was born, lol
lovingly, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Sat, 2021-05-01 15:34
Thanks
It's strange how we writers assume different personas and how themes of transformation recur in poetry and theatre down the centuries. Though I am a man who has recently turned 44 I like to write poems that assume the roles of women and write poems for women I think love is a bridge between all cultures that's its beauty
I want to read more of your poems cheers John xxx
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2021-05-01 15:45
that is wonderful...
John,
to explore our opposite sides is a real adventure. I think we can learn a lot by this. I know that I am. I just turned 70. and the picture of me and Benny is about 3 years old. I aged well in looks and mental capacity. but not Benny.
lovingly, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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Dalton
Sat, 2021-05-01 15:59
Cat
Your Benny looks beautiful just like Willie was beautiful xxx
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2021-05-02 11:00
thank you very much. he is my
thank you very much. he is my child.
*many hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Dalton
Sun, 2021-05-02 14:27
Dear Cat
I know
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-19 16:30
benny passed...
and part of me went with him
*love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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Seren
Mon, 2023-02-20 00:20
Esrever ni Tellab - reverof! I get it!!!
Ballat in Reverse
I got it no one seems to have mentioned that clever first line. Very Clever. It took me a few seconds but I got there lol
Now to your poem, I think this is like a slideshow of images, there are so many excellent lines but for me these lines were magnificent!!
the skeletal tone of bells in the heavens
the holy statues return from mass
Sign those lines are perfection. They're absolutely genius. I hear those bells when I read those lines.
Another excellent poem I'm five years too late but I am so happy I got to read this one. Over time I will catch up on as many old poems as I can it's like going back in time but also it shows the transformation of the poets craft over the years.
Your poetry has morphed and changed as you have, we all do.
Wonderful poem I see nothing I'd change but you have inspired something I'll message you in the next few days and share it with you.
Love and biggest hugs Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Seren
Mon, 2023-02-20 00:20
Esrever ni Tellab - reverof! I get it!!!
Ballat in Reverse
I got it no one seems to have mentioned that clever first line. Very Clever. It took me a few seconds but I got there lol
Now to your poem, I think this is like a slideshow of images, there are so many excellent lines but for me these lines were magnificent!!
the skeletal tone of bells in the heavens
the holy statues return from mass
Sign those lines are perfection. They're absolutely genius. I hear those bells when I read those lines.
Another excellent poem I'm five years too late but I am so happy I got to read this one. Over time I will catch up on as many old poems as I can it's like going back in time but also it shows the transformation of the poets craft over the years.
Your poetry has morphed and changed as you have, we all do.
Wonderful poem I see nothing I'd change but you have inspired something I'll message you in the next few days and share it with you.
Love and biggest hugs Jayne
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats