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Fish Becomes Woman

Submitted by Bugstar on Wed, 2019-06-12 18:46

She tried to grasp the wet, silvery fish, but it continued to slip, flowing around her palms and fingers. Firming her grip and stabilizing the fish, she moved it and plopped it into a different tank. The fish swished through the illuminated liquid, and grew at a smooth and intensely quick pace. Its perspective was changing with its body. And changing forms through different species, it began to mold with ease into a human, until the form was exactly like hers, just with a new perspective. The new being climbed out of the unusual tank with ease, body wet, beautiful and glowing, and she warmly hugged her creator. They wandered in a dreamy state outside and the experience of Autumn leaves rushing down endlessly on them, caressing and appealingly tingling their bodies, was experienced. It’s a new day, sunshine.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Wed, 2019-06-12 22:34

Eumolpus's picture

I am not a big fan of the form, as most fall way short for so many reasons. I like yours because it is not too long, allows the reader to read it as prose with the right touch of image and poetic devise.
It is in language of prose, not pretentiously poetic and filled like a stoned-out monologue from the brain like most prose-poem writers who post here. It has a narrative to tell.
My favorite in the form are Borges and Passoa. Your work shares the same craftiness, and I appreciate that despite my prejudices. This prose poem has the basic ingredient- metaphor.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Geezer

Thu, 2019-08-01 17:50

Geezer's picture
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Like Eumolpus, I like it for the story. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Sparrow 42

Sat, 2019-08-03 04:17

Your poetry will be great I have played with your words.
I hope you don't mind but this is a more normal way of presenting works:-

Fish Becomes Woman

She tried to grasp the wet, silvery fish,
But it continued to slip, flowing around her fingers.
Firming her grip and stabilizing the fish,
She moved it plopping it into a different tank.

The fish swished through the illuminated liquid,
It grew at a smooth and intensely quick pace.
Its perspective was changing with its body.
Changing forms through different species.

It began to mould with ease into a human,
Until the form was exactly like hers,
Just with a new perspective on its surroundings.
The new being climbed out of the unusual tank with ease,

Body wet, beautiful and glowing,
She warmly hugged her creator.
They wandered in a dreamy state of the outside.
There so many new experiences.

The experience of Autumn leaves, rushing down endlessly on them,
Caressing and appealingly tingling their bodies,
This was a new a new day
The sunshine caressed new feelings.

I think you will find that this way of presenting writes is more to others taste,
The changes are subtle, the odd word removed as excess and a few breaks then the flow adjusted.
Hope you wont mind, this is the second of your writes I have read this morning and I feel that youyr imagination and wording will excel as your stay with us continues..
Yours Ian T

Words can build a nation

Sparrow 42

Sat, 2019-08-03 04:21

There is an A-Z of poetic forms that I have put on this site have a browse.
There are many to choose from and experiment with I hope your stay with us will be productive,
Yours Ian T

Words can build a nation

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