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THE TASTE

Submitted by Simon on Wed, 2019-06-26 05:05

Like a second world war
The second primal poetry
Hit the family noe
Across the universe
And questions flys

How do I feel?
When they talk?
What can I say?
What can they feel?
What are my likes like?

But the theme is
Healing them all
For their hearts sink heavily
For their souls need to be consoled
For Justice I feel to taste.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2019-06-28 06:31

weirdelf's picture
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How about editing these two poems out of the workshop back to the Stream where they belong, there's nothing wrong with them, they are fine poems, just unrelated to the workshop.

read the workshop description and thread
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/primal-poetry

Then please make a sincere attempt to meditate to the drumbeat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MmQ1H4wU0zs
and describe what you see.

I give you my word, Simon, it is not difficult and it will reward you with a stunning visual trance experience.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Simon

Mon, 2019-07-01 03:51

Simon's picture

it's a mixed up, maybe I did read it well but I surely will do something about it.

author comment

weirdelf

Mon, 2019-07-01 09:13

weirdelf's picture
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relax, breathe, clear your mind, close your eyes and listen to the drumming.
Then you don't see blackness, you see colours and forms.
Let go, don't try to think, just watch. The colours and forms will resolve into images. You are in a waking dream.

When it is finished just write down what you saw and felt without trying to make poetry.
Good luck.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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