Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Drifting Away

The more I love
the more you drift away
why do you do it
in such a way

Life is meant to enjoy
I pray
just follow my pathway

As you don’t love to do
what I want you to
then blame me not
for the shallow river
where I leave you

knowing not
that you can’t swim
use your imagery
and remember
that life can be lonely
after me
who will salvage you

and

upon whose shoulder will you rest
have you ever thought of it

I am still holding on
but for how long
who can that forecast
when my physical body
to flames will be cast

soon I will be an envelope
worth of ashes
just to be strewn about
the distant forest

I don’t want to be buried!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

it might have been written by Sappho 3 thousand years ago, or Horace or Petronius, or in mideveal times of the Carmina Burana, or a troubadour. But it's written by you and has a bit of your mark on it.
It is perhaps the most common of themes of all love poetry and song. That doesn't mean we have to stop doing it. Nobody said it just this way:

As you don’t love to do
what I want you to
then blame me not
for the shallow river
where I leave you

So good for you.
Sorry i don't see the ending, the last line is so flat.
And I would not end a poem like this with a period. End with an exclamation point!

(and read Sappho!!)
Also, as per my last comment, read TS Eliot, Sappho, Dylan Thomas, WS Merwin..start there!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thanks EUMOL
You have been a real inspiration
Hence i will post here only
lost lovedly identity
to a forgotten pass word
how silly Internet can be

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.