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Untitled scifaiku
ashes of cities left
by burning atmosphere-
a temper tantrum
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Scifaiku, an east west hybrid, perhaps?
This is one of my published poems.
Editing stage:
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Comments
themoonman
Tue, 2019-05-28 13:32
Hi,
It does leave a picture ...
what about "Too hot to stop" or "Sizzler"
Geezer
Tue, 2019-05-28 15:58
It brought to mind...
a scene of post-war cities and especially Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I think I get what you mean by a "temper-tantrum". I fear that some day, someone who has the power, will get a "bug up their butt"
and "push the button". I get it, I like it! ~ Geezer.
.
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