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The journey

Submitted by Simon on Thu, 2019-05-16 09:52

In the garden of shrubs
where birds and insects gathers
In search of the rose that glitters
when a sun rise
it rises with a sunflower
which dances sheen for the sun
till it sleeps off.

An eagle is sitting with a shiny moon
when the skies plays
and when joy glimmers like a cluster
I will delightful sing a flourish melody
the appeal of my soul.

When foxes are crowded
I sight a blessing
(For who ever found love found life)
And I sigh with a bleeding heart for love.

Like ovules in ovary
And Honey in it's wax
So is my bride in my home
For a butterfly travels miles for it desire
So do I for mine
For a dance is just a step.

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is a poem for a newly married couples that just fell in love,it serves as encouragement and strength to the both of them to love till death do them apart.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2019-05-17 14:11

Geezer's picture
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your portrayal of romance and love. I see that you manage to get nature as your backdrop and as part of the "Earthly Delight". My favorite line? " A dance is just a step".
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Simon

Mon, 2019-05-27 08:06

Simon's picture

You always load me with inspirations,commenting on my poem gives me more thoughts and advice thank you once more.

Until you live and allow life to pass through you you will never understand life.

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