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Take My Hand

I've come to you
from the darkest nights of loneliness
having no one else to love
you have always been the girl that
I've dreamed of showing my true love to
baby I cant stop loving you

Take my hand
show me how to love you
take me from the darkness into light
filled with your ever lasting love
cause I've never been there before
until you came knocking at my door
to my heart
I hope our love last forever more
(END)

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I'm looking for help with ideas for how specific I can put my poetry..As In: does it have to rhyme for every line or stanza in the poem? Is there a particular way that most freestyle poets use that I am missing? Is the beginning/ending too dull? Is the critique too weak? i write what i feel and use my own form of critique... Any suggestions are greatly appreciated...
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

As Legna says, you have written a poem that if it s a poem to a real love, I suppose that she might give you a real consideration. It is a sweet and innocent thing that might just tip the scales in your direction. My only advice at this time, is to keep writing from the heart and finding new stories to tell.
Take the time to read poems from here and elsewhere to sharpen your sense of how to put the story to paper. I hope that you will grow here and learn to express yourself in an ever increasing manner.
Good luck, ~ Geezer.
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I think what I want to write through thourghly before I make it final.. If I don't like it I trash it and try again.. With something better.. Always trying to improve my writing daily.. Thanks for the comment and advice
Heart-Felt

Paul Harris

author comment

ok, you reckon you do read poetry? Who are your favourite English language poets and why?
Who are you reading now?

Love poetry is the hardest of all to write because it has been done so often by so many of the bests.

The two most important things missing from your poetry are truth and meter.

Frankly I do not believe you when you say you've read a lot of poetry or the glaring clichés in this would be obvious to you.

Rhyme was the last tool added to the poetry toolbox and the most abused. You need meter, cadence, rhythm. Listen-
https://vocaroo.com/i/s0g7Ebh6maXG

Where is the 'musicality' of the language? Without a drummer in your band you have to provide your own. It doesn't need to be a dull, repetitive rhythm, it needs for each word to lead to the next as if there was no other possibility and this creates the music of poetry in our minds.

I promise complete honesty with my critiques, I expect the same from your poetry and the answers to my questions.

cheers,
Jess
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